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lirik lagu thedon – where do i start?

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where do i start?
i’ve had more lives than i can count
a few of them were close calls, others just a mere amount
but i held on through
yeah, i guess you can even say that i made it out
and i don’t think you understand all the days i want to scream and shout
but i don’t, why?
maybe cause the state i’m in
i lie still, silent; alone
i don’t wanna talk but you would think i would because i do it often
yeah i talk a lot, it’s true
but i do it to hide myself and to shield yourself from all of this emotion
look now you: are someone i care for
but someone i barely notice
i don’t even know-if
it’s meant to be | or something a little more casually
actually it happened more gradually
at first i was fine but in time i was worthless
and half of this story is farther than perfect
now i look in the mirror and see no kind of purpose
my purpose was vast before i slipped in the cast
all that i had, my life was amazing, stupendous and glad
now i’m just mad because this sickness has entered my head
“where do i start?” you asked that already, how can you start when your life’s at its end?
well, let me try to paint a picture for you as best as i can
while you sit there and listen, please have the decision you will understand
i was young, i was dumb- alone in this world- i was always picked on
“yeah we all were, you’re nothing special… so where is all of this pain coming from?”
it resides in my head; my cerebral-cortex is lame and a mess
all through my life, i would look at other kids, be envious of them because to me they would be blessed
even those who had nothing, had something
why is it only me that was odd?
i used to be the only loser here but now i’m not the only one with a job
my job is to torment you don, what, you don’t really agree?
i’ve been with you from the beginning- you don’t remember? because it’s been like since you was 3
now i’m on the sidelines, waiting
because i know the time’s coming for me to be free
“no it’s not!”
shh, don’t argue, no one loves you- you can’t do better than me!
just sit down and listen while i’m reminiscing on the progress we’ve made
i kept you depressed, you’ve become obsessed to get rid of me- but even through that, i still remained
i’m the voice talking in the back of your brain
i’m the doubt telling you “you are so lame”
wanna know my name?
it’s the same as yours, because you and me are one in the same
stop staring at me! i don’t know why you even care about me
i don’t understand why you’re so obsessed like it’s a test for you every failure for me
you told me i’m fine, that i don’t need therapy
but every rhyme, i think of them carefully
like what would it be like if i lived a shrink life and told them my problems and talked to them daily?
is that how i get rid of you?
cause right now my status is pitiful
i’m miserable, lonely
happy? if only
depression is here and i’m just getting sick of you
just get out my life, before i get rid of us both
you took me into the water to swim for a minute
but right now i’m starting to choke
look, i told you, getting rid of me isn’t as smooth as you’re thinking
look, i own you, i said it’s the end but it’s just the beginning
i’ve been with you since birth, i’m your curse; i’m the grieving
i’m the reason you’re broken and why you have no chance of leaving
at least i can try to
get out of this bind that i’m tied-to
to everyone that i lied to: i’m sorry
i wish i can take back those days i was prideful
you think i hide too-much
of myself from you; know that it’s vital
this way when i say “i’m okay” you won’t ask “are you sure?”
or anything more in denial
i guess the only thing left to do is just allow you to take over
then maybe my life would be sober
instead of having this chip on my shoulder
funny, when i was a kid i used to dream of the day when i would be older
how naive of me because clearly my life just gets worser
now i sit alone in my room again
these thoughts in me start racing in
every-thing seems stable then you feel depression creeping in
though i’m alone, you seem to be my only friend
maybe you’re right about it all: how can i start when i’ve reached the end?