lirik lagu fawcette – y’all can’t handle this much douche in the same room (skit)
cody: ok brochachos, i brought you brahs here today to give you a once in a lifetime opportunity, aight? listen, last night, i got a call on the cell phone from john janick, y’all douches know who mr. janick?
brad: i don’t know dude, but he sounds like a f~cking nord. what’s his deal?
cody: deal? how bout a focking record deal? if i strike a deal with this, it could be our big break
bryan: a big break? i am a big break. everytime i wear a shirt with sleeves you see a f~ckin’ big break
cody: aight, but listen, this could be an even bigger break. what are the three b’s again?
(all in unison): brews, barbells, b~tches
cody: that’s right. now imagine how many brews, barbells and b~tches we’re gonna get if we get this record deal. we’re gonna be sipping brewskis on top of a mountain in the hollywood hills right next to kylie jenner
chaz: ok, so who is this focking nerd we’re dealing with anyways, this uhh, janick dude?
cody: he’s the f~cking ceo of interscope records. he heard lee king fawcett and wants me to make him a couple bangers, f~cking throbbers if you would
bryan: ceo? sounds like he’s been hitting too many clubs and not enough gyms. i bet his d~mn bench press is as low as my i.q. ya f~cking twink
brad: listen i’mma go in there, and snap him like the string bean he is if he doesn’t give you a good deal aight?
chaz: so listen, i’m gonna walk in there, and tell ‘em, fifty percent of gun violence in this f~cking country is from african americans, the other half are from these two f~cking guns right here if you don’t give us a good deal
cody: broskis, broskis lesson i know you hate f~cking weaklings, but listen, you’ll be talking about the 3 b’s, this janick guy got like 50 b’s. billions. we play it cool, we play it smart, and we make it seem like i’m hot sh~t, and we got that bread machine secured
(all): seem like you’re hot sh~t? of course you’re hot sh~t. yeah yeah brah aight
cody: awesome. so for like, 10 minutes, i’m going to need you brotatos to use the head that’s between your shoulders instead of the head between ya legs, alright?
brad: hmm…not possible
bryan: yeah i don’t know about that one. seems a little too….smart for me
chaz: so you’re telling me, we tell his janick fella that you’re the king sh~t of f~ck mountain, and we all start living lavishly? it’s gonna take everything i got brah, you better not be f~cking with me here
cody: would i ever f~ck you over bro? the only thing that’s getting f~cked over is your wh0re over my bed. come on, let’s get this spray tan done already
(all): ~assorted douche grunts, ad~libs, not real full sentences~ ~entering interscope~
chaz: god d~mn, did i just walk into a f~cking fish market, i thought we we’re walking into a record studio?
bryan: hey baby, what’s good? name’s bryan…….with a y. i know, it’s a pleasure to meet me
brad: woah this place is f~cking sick brahs. think they got a gym in here? i wanna bang out a few sets before i break this nord in half
cody: broskis cool ya f~cking jets, i’m gonna ask this broad to point us in the direction of the elevator, we don’t got all day. hey sl~t, listen, you and me aren’t gonna happen. maybe after a face lift and 30 pounds off your waist, then maybe i’ll give you a shot. anyways, i’m here to see mr. janick. you look like you have a slightly higher iq than a gorilla so….chop chop
brad: listen, tell us where mr. janick’s office is before we break your face, you ugly ass man
chaz: put your fat f~cking nuts on the desk douchebag, say it with your chest
brad: i’mma do it if we don’t get answers quick
chaz: listen i’m trying to find this focking nord cuz i’m trying to make my godd~mn money. i can’t have you holding me up you dumb broad
bryan: listen here you fat f~ck, maybe put the f~cking spoon down and point me to your boss aight?
chaz: hold on, don’t f~cking rush her, she’s gonna finish her ice cream sandwich
bryan: now where’s the f~ck is the boss, baby, sugar tits, c’mon, ~cl!ck lips~
woman at counter: mr. janick? well uhh….he’s on the fiftieth floor, so the elevator is actually right behind that staircase over there
brad: ah, of course you know where the elevator is fatty, since i know for a fact you can’t take your 300 pound elephant ass up all those flights of stairs
cody: bros! can it for a sec…..why thank you miss. here’s my number, call me when you hit at least an eight out of ten, and then i’ll consider it. c’mon bros, we got a deal to go sign
chaz: great, i’ve graced this b~tch with my presence enough anyway. it was a pleasure to meet me
(all in unison): douchebag x8
~elevator open~
chaz: this is f~ckin’ it, you’re gonna be more on top than i was on top of your f~ckin’ mother last night
brad: we’re here to get all the f~ckin’ brews, barbells, and the f~ckin’ b~tches you could ever possibly need
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