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lirik lagu 2nd in command – something personal, i guess

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verse:
i don’t write songs like this much, but f~ck it, i need to vent
they say your hearts more like a house, well mines been feeling more like a tent
numbness i can’t prevent, stuck in my house
and i ain’t seen my friends in so long, i’m flipping out
my grades are catching up to me, my ways are catching up to me
i feel tired every second of the d~mn day
ain’t got friends saying “wassup” to me, i miss my d~mn hallways
i’m airing out everything that before, i couldn’t say
i’m trying my best, but my brain won’t let me focus
got a million thoughts, buzzing in my head like a locust
i don’t know why it does this, is it so hard to just listеn
read the things they tеll me too, let me be submissive
let me follow orders, let me do what’s asked of me
be a better son for my parents ‘stead of causing a catastrophe
screaming out “i hate you” when more than ever, i’m glad to be
a son to my parents, (but) they just keep getting mad at me
“it’s mind over matter” they all say
“we understand that your skies seem eternally grey
but you have to get better, this is all about trust”
then act shocked when i lash out like shut the f~ck up
i don’t know if this is angst or adhd acting up
but my eyes can’t physically focus on what’s being discussed
i’ve tried it, and i’ll keep on trying
family wants to know if i’ve been doing good~ i’ll say i’m fine. yeah, i’ll keep on lying
i don’t think i’ll put this on an album, probably not
don’t wanna make people miserable inside the melting pot
but i don’t know how much is mental health and how much is apathy
i feel lost