lirik lagu xilence raps - the boy i buried to survive
[intro]
yeah…
sometimes you don’t lose yourself…
you gotta k!ll him
i ain’t proud of it…
but i ain’t here without it…
[verse 1]
i was only thirteen when the world drew blood
momma lost the home, pops died in the flood
grandma yelling in my face, said i came out wrong
so i carved another version just to keep me strong
every night i heard the screaming underneath my ribs
every day i played pretend like “it’s okay, i’m just a kid,”
but kids don’t make it out when the street lights judge
so i buried mine deep where the memoriеs smudge
had a dream once, but it diеd in the yard
got replaced with a voice saying “life gon’ be hard,”
every tear i swallowed turned the soil to black
took the shovel to my chest, never looked back
[hook]
i’m not the boy i was—
i’m the ghost that he left behind
he’s still screaming in the mud
while i walk like i’m outta time
i had to bury him alive
just to keep my heartbeat right
i k!lled the boy i used to be
if i wanted to survive
[verse 2]
he was soft, he was fragile, he believed in friends
he believed in happy stories and the sunlight’s end
but the world taught lessons with a fist and a blade
so i carved out the light till the innocence decayed
i remember when he whispered, “please don’t change yet,”
but the rent was past due and my soul was in debt
every night i felt him pulling, trying to climb out the grave
but i held him down steady—had to learn to be brave
now his hands claw my spine when the trauma rewinds
when the doctors locked me in, left me losing my mind
he’d cry in the dark like he wanted to be saved—
but i ain’t saving n0body that ain’t saving me today
[hook]
i’m not the boy i was—
i’m the ghost that he left behind
he’s still screaming in the mud
while i walk like i’m outta time
i had to bury him alive
just to keep my heartbeat right
i k!lled the boy i used to be
if i wanted to survive
[bridge]
maybe one day i’ll dig him up…
maybe one day he’ll forgive me
but right now i’m built from the dirt and the cuts
and the world ain’t gentle with kids like me
i ain’t proud of the grave underneath my feet
but i couldn’t breathe till he couldn’t breathe…
[verse 3]
now i move like a shadow with a heartbeat’s hush
never trustin’ anybody ’cause the world don’t blush
every scar on my frame is a part of the price
for a life full of nights where i gambled with life
he’s the ghost in the mirror when my hands start to shake
he’s the voice in the storm when my nightmares wake
but i tell him, “little man, you were never to blame—
i just had to become something stronger than pain.”
so i light one up for the kid that died
for the dreams that drowned in the tears i cried
for the promises broken that i needed to break
if i didn’t let him go—he would’ve snapped in my place
[hook]
i’m not the boy i was
i’m the ghost that he left behind
he’s still screaming in the mud
while i walk like i’m outta time
i had to bury him alive
just to keep my heartbeat right
i k!lled the boy i used to be
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