lirik lagu this is what i deserve (dysthymia) - enno johan
[verse]
when i told you that i never
leave the house anymore
did you think i wanted pity?
needed my pain to be absorbed?
i sit here in this darkness
with a hole punched in my chest
with my heart held in my hand
what’s left of my brain is just a mess
[pre~chorus]
can you hear the voices calling
can you hear the whispers scream
this is what’s left after mourning
this is all that’s left of me
[chorus]
a tired artist, a screaming soul
a thousand worries i can’t control
a tightness forms inside my chest
the pain of love is all that’s left
this is what i deserve
this memory, this hurt
this is what i deserve
this memory, this hurt
[verse]
it’s not a fact of who i saved
it’s not up to what i’ve learned
it’s about the pain i displayed
this is what i deserve
did i want this?
if i’m honest
i’ve never wanted anything less
but i’m haunted
by the last bits
of the hope i still have left
[chorus]
a tired artist, a screaming soul
a thousand worries i can’t control
a tightness forms inside my chest
the pain of love is all that’s left
this is what i deserve (it’s all i deserve)
this memory, this hurt
this is what i deserve (it’s all i deserve)
this memory, this hurt
[verse]
cut the stitches with my t~~th
let the bleeding feel like proof
i’ve been carving out apologies
just to make a bit of room
tell me, do the gods you pray to
also leave you out to rot?
i’ve been talking to the silence
like it’s all the love i’ve got
my spine’s a line of losses
that i sleep beside each night
and i never had a therapist
just songs that i would write
with wrists too scared to tremble
and a voice that won’t return
i named each scar a chapter
in the story i unlearned
[chorus]
a tired artist, a screaming soul
a thousand worries i can’t control
a tightness forms inside my chest
the pain of love is all that’s left
this is what i deserve (it’s all i deserve)
this memory, this hurt
this is what i deserve (it’s all i deserve)
this memory, this hurt
[outro]
this is what i deserve (can you hear the voices calling) (it’s all i deserve)
this memory, this hurt (can you hear the whispers scream)
this is what i deserve (this is what’s left after mourning) (it’s all i deserve)
this memory, this hurt (this is all that’s left of me)
this is what i deserve (can you hear the voices calling) (it’s all i deserve)
this memory, this hurt (can you hear the whispers scream)
this is what i deserve (this is what’s left after mourning) (it’s all i deserve)
this memory, this hurt (this is all that’s left of me)
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