
lirik lagu syrespite - feminine boy
[intro: gabor maté]
but trauma is not the events~
trauma comes from the greek word of, “wounding”
so trauma is a wound that you’d sustain
and~ you can be wounded without catastrophic events
[refrain: sy]
uh, feminine boy, you ‘posed to be masculine
choices that you make, form of pathogen
but that wasn’t even mines
no~, you can’t be around
uh, feminine boy, you ‘posed to be masculine
choices that you make, form of pathogen
but that wasn’t even mines to begin with~
no~, you can’t be around
[verse 1: sy]
reoccurrin’ of the memories at the age of eight’
i had addictions of gettin’ hot wheels, collections ’til this day
they’d help me be less fixated; numbness to desolated’
less complicated, as my imaginary was bein’ self~driven, i was different
i had no friends, and moreover an enemy to myself
that couldn’t comprehend closure in my head
’cause i was often neglected; counted out, filled wit’ doubt
other children put me down, spreadin’ rumors to have a crown
teachers told parents to perhaps check me for autism
and parents laughed, roughly just ignored it~
perform him some exorcism, get that demon out of him
’cause he’s making y’all look weird, get an audit~
it’d explain why it hard for me to essentially get religious
when people’s perception were shapin’ my ideology, in reality
verbally, picked on me and then ran away from me
’cause i was seen as a dare in, “truth and dares” and that’s fair
couldn’t socialize as negative treatment was too clearly
so, i started sellin’ cars for an ‘ounce of company, i felt lonely~
but it’d darken my star, made me further antisocial way afar
had my thoughts breakin’ through laws (uh)
but one of my relatives, had me in awe’ with things that he’d gift me
complexity in my family, so he seemed much more trustworthy
he had candy, and made me feel happy wit’ his words;
the money that he’d purse, it’s like he wouldn’t quit on me
and i didn’t know, i was young but i refuse to believe that he tried to~
touch me, and then try and take me in his vehicle
with a smile that’s so critical, hidden motives that’s so manipulative
but family yelled my name, and i never saw him again’
until i heard he had mulitple cases, where he tried touchin’ kids
sh~t changed~
[chorus: sy]
let’s start, uhm
let’s start
[verse 2: sy]
lookin’ back at the images of such beef, at the age of thirteen
me and my brothers were toxic, amongst each other; makes scenes
then distanced, and it had me bein’ inconsiderate
but i was hurt and that’s nothin’ different, but i was illiterate
and they ain’t at fault, so none of ’em should feel guilt
as we were all flawed; young, stupid and dumb filled’
we needed to take time alone, not just forlorn with the soul
but to sow’ relationships back wit’ our own, so the weather ain’t cold
when n0body’s around, and we know that we’ve all got bounds’
tuckman’s theory of group development, present~
but me? i was absent, i didn’t focus on myself
’cause i told you, i was an enemy; needed to be expelled
virtually, i was lookin’ for attention, so that i don’t attempt~
then… she~
she filled it wit’ obsession, in disguise of an individual bein’ heaven~sent
yeah, more than friends, as she treated me as her boyfriend’
even if she was older, she’d always make sure time’s spent
but none of this, i gone over and tried to comprehend
as i was lost, way too tossed’ in my head
she knew that, used that; made me go opposite wit’ my brothers
then she s~xt, tried pushin’ me to send pictures and get wet
and converse ’bout topics of s~x, to get me under the spell
to watch p~rn together, and i felt overwhelmed~
then she got frustrated, ain’t answer me for days then shoo~ away
then again, i was in a continous cycle~
one older sent me p~rnfl!cks of gon & k!llua’
so i get particular spirials, can’t rewatch ‘hunter
had me cuttin’ like micheal, same wit’ weight
was druggin’ to cope wit’ suicidal, jus’ tried to equate
their energy was transformin’ me and i couldn’t deal wit’ it~
wasn’t feelin’ it, it had me feelin’ abrasive
ran away from ’em when i had to chance to, wasn’t the same~
sh~t really changed
[chorus: sy]
let’s start, uhm
let’s start
[refrain: sy]
feminine boy, you ‘posed to be masculine
choices that you make, form of pathogen
but that wasn’t even mines
no~, you can’t be around (thirteen)
uh, feminine boy, you ‘posed to be masculine
choices that you make, form of pathogen
but that wasn’t even mines to begin with
no~, you can’t be around (sixteen)
[verse 3: sy]
was left out of particular circles due to my behaviour
they thought i was mania; h0m~s~xual ’cause of my trachea
but i know if i told the truth, i’d be judged and be feared’
so, i didn’t dispute and this due, i faced numerous abuse
and played it off cool, but deep ‘side, i was just felt so ridiculed
until it got physical, particularly in the classrooms
havin’ to be pushed and jumped, things been throwin’ through
when i stopped gettin’ high, i felt the treatment entirely and it blew~
arrived home bein’ slumped, hopin’ life can turn off in soothe
’cause i’ve had enough, hopin’ dear god if my time’s up
a blessing that it isn’t, but it’s a curse for how i’m livin’
i am at my fault for this treatment~
at fault for all my experience, makin’ me
and now i’m recievin’ the lashes, jus’ wanting ends to meet, please~
now i’m at the age of bein’ out of highschool’
i still get the same treatment, reality and viritually too
but it’s partly and has me bein’ solified on thinkin’ of a doom
“are you gay?” no, as that isn’t even ‘part of my truth
i’m straight and i’ve gone through things that’s loose
“are you gay?” no, how the f~ck do i tell you?
i was almost molested; f~ckin’ groomed and saw domestic abuse
i’m not straight to confide this as i haven’t processed, still healin’ within
and let me just ask you, if i ever identified for bein’ gay
tell me, would your perspective change on me to the clay?
so let’s keep this straight, just move on wit’ your day
’cause i’ve seen so much at a young age and sh~t has changed
[outro: sy]
feminine boy, you ‘posed to be masculine~
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