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lirik lagu syrespite - age 16

[verse 1: sy]
to identify, it is something that i can’t find in, “i”
testify, i’d help others because my body hasn’t been mines
not sure for how long, for not sure where i’d belong
religious, i wasn’t, and i couldn’t~
simulations, temporary salivations on what i’ve learnt
low population, for those that know my worth’
use my experience as education, to heal the hurts
’cause life’s not pride, true formation’s from rebirth
something that i’m trying to, process and insert’
assert, but it’s been a conflict between me and i’
myself, couldn’t compromise, d.o.t heist
can i confide? broken pieces of my soul, divide’
loss and scattered, but reassurance from my mother
my mother, ain’t had the best life, that’s not right’
why is he on her? family cried, screams recall the night
should’ve grabbed a knife, but it wasn’t on sight
’cause what was right? i was barely five~
look like an innocent flower, a serpent underneath
that’s not what she is, but that is her grieve
she don’t make it public, but the look on her face
she, herself, suffered from abuse, but people think, “exaggerate”
’cause how it’s been normalized, how it’s been retraced
the bruise on her, i still remember when it took place
and his knuckles red, to relaunch and impact like vase~
~that’s broken, my bad, i’ve lost focus
i’m in examination, my thoughts must be illusions
desolation from oneself, i’ve been rather absent
i hope mother is alright and well, mhm, i love her
[chorus: ohana]
hoping that i can be forget that the trauma
the trauma that i’ve had suffered
mhm, hoping that i can just forget, the trauma
that i had to endure

[verse 2: sy]
met my first brother, he was the light in the summer
made me feel like, i mattered with shinin’ colours
vibrant like murakami’, and he was no other
he was the type, to love you regardless, so i love him~
but i felt under, felt uneasy and unheard~
realized that company don’t cure lonely (mhm)
in some parts, and that’s when next summer, i met her
it strained my brother, brotherhood in dirt
’cause he was sayin’ truths, whilst i was in lies: plummet
she had my heart, the way she cared and comfort’
nurtured, but she hit me in verbals, said i’m worthless
’cause i was hurt, and she took advantage of~
thought i had to always listen to the olders’
made me expose to her, added more grieve to hurt
but i didn’t believe, ’cause i thought it was true love
thought it, even when bein’ blocked for months
i was only thirteen, naive and gullible, still young~
oversprung, overdumb and myself, i couldn’t confront
my loneliness took over, metaphorically drunk and not sober
my mother, asked, why you’re not eating, i said:
“i’m not hungry” but i was in hunger, instead~
i did drugs, and i did cuts to decline my worth
alone felt at disgust, peace felt at distrust
my mother concurred, asked, “why you always on the computer?”
i said nothin’, gave a shrug, and i didn’t think of~
lyin’ to mother, the guilt builds like no other
originally from when she was hurt, when younger
and inside, i wanted to be loved, so i thought online was easier
but it was the same occurrence, it stinged on
where do i belong? why is it takin’ this long?
what’s my right or wrongs? why am i so out of~
it was that d~mn computer, and it had me feelin’ colder
anvil on my shoulder, but i still added more ’cause i thought there was hope
hope
[chorus: ohana]
hoping that i can be forget that the trauma
the trauma that i’ve had suffered
mhm, hoping that i can just forget, the trauma
that i had to endure

[verse 3: sy]
another occurrence, attention high on tolerance
only been a month after her’, patchin’ up all my hurt
felt sober, was something i didn’t wanna’ preserve
loss of confidence, had learn but there was another~
she seemed different, puttin’ it in difference
no matter the distance, but she was, again, older
cared and nurtured, felt familiar
and retied wit’ my brother, and that’s a thriller
still felt uneasy and unheard of, but put on a filter
can’t mess up ‘gain, so i said to myself, “configure”
adjust my words, still goin’ circles like ‘miller
the drugs and cuts, still a golden figure
they’ve helped, but did me worse~
manages my hurt, and it had me to surf
so rather, a blessing and a curse
thinkin’ about stopping it, but just couldn’t~
fast forward, me and her havin’ issues, was under~
her abuse, and misuse but i was scared of
she’s dismissive, and rather manipulative~
my brother, said that, and i was seein’ it, still completely unaware of
felt slight despair on, questionin’, “where’s love”
so, i took her side and it damaged~
my brotherhood wit’ him, it was unexamined
my mental, i splat it out on a piece of paper, rhyming
copin’ mechanisms, my life to live on, fighting
but she looked at me, she was laughing~
mhm, family problems, father took it, sisters cryin’
home wreckage, mother hurt, outlining
but she looked at me, she was laughing~
asked for her to apologize, she didn’t even realize
gave me a falsify, and i knew this isn’t right
eventually, me and her, not in sight, used me for entice
truthfully she hypnotized, and manipulatized’ (mhm)
then i realized, company don’t fix lonely, finalized’
this was almost two years ago, but memories recall’
duality has gotten strong, so i never knew, where it came from
didn’t want to think of, even if i got cleaned and got on
my improvements, but somethin’ felt wrong
i’ve helped others, but never knew where i’d belong
didn’t want to focus on that aspect of myself, i’d prolong
age of three, i saw my own mom get beat’
at my early teens, i was groomed, why i couldn’t eat
almost molested by ‘part of my own blood, so i’d bleed
questionin’ myself on my identify~
who am i? they’re saying, “seren” but that ain’t mines
still and all, kept it under a disguise’
but they’ve gave me hope, realizin’ that i wasn’t alone
cases, did and done, realized i wasn’t the only one
that dealt wit’ trauma, that dealt wit’ hide and runs’
but the truth was, to head on and confront’
i gave ’em that, because it was something i never had
still and all, i’m a proud man and i’m f~ckin’ glad
never to be my dad, i ain’t to hit my wife and child at that
he can’t say sh~t when i have a family, that’s a fact
hit my mother again, swear to god, i’ll combat
swear to god, i’ll k!ll him and make sure he’s passed
i’m too far? keep your f~ckin’ mouth shut
it was domestic, sendin’ a message, not just poetic
i came off as kinetic, but i felt so pathetic
and nervous to speak out, but i did now and i’m proud
seein’ people getting s~xually abused, and kids getting groomed
i know it, because i went through it, i didn’t see it through~
so i speak out for ’em all, no renew
you’re loved, you’re cared and i’m forever wit’ you
but trust me, face yourself and acknowledge your value
and if you can’t, then embrace yourself and contribute
i know it’s scary, look at my cuts; what i’ve been through
so we’ve got this, you’ve got nothing to lose
f~ck what others say, they’ll never understand your pain
everyday, with the thoughts that lives in your brain
so it’s okay, but we have to do better, and it’s hard to embrace
but the pain is there so we can change, so don’t you dare break~
and i’ll say it again, f~ck what the others say~
tell me, what you know ’bout father bein’ a junkie?
tell me, what you know seein’ mother gettin’ beaten up at three?
tell me, what you know on how it feels like to bleed?
tell me, what it feels like to not concede?
does the guilt f~ckin’ make me?
so do you know f~ckin’ why i’m scared of bein’ me?
i’m my own duality, from the traumatic that’s post and beyond me
it’s why i’ve spent a year on helpin’ others, doin’ therapy
it’s why, i’ve distant to find knowledge in difference
it’s why, i’ve spent a year haitus so i can find recovery
it’s why, i’m living because it’s a must, not a perference
why i decided to change entirely, at the age 16~
i am no longer my hurt, and it’s now i prolong my worth
i get what i deserved, and use that so i can learn
god said, “don’t you dare burn” as that’s the devil churns
as i rebirth, i think ’bout havin’ a daughter or son
but this time, i thought ’bout myself and not to return
i yelled, “allah, may you allow me to open my heart?”
said that i want to live, to find my worth
[chorus: ohana]
hoping that i can be forget that the trauma
the trauma that i’ve had suffered
mhm, hoping that i can just forget, the trauma
that i had to endure

[outro: her & osdi]
you’ve now confronted it, head on~
now you can acknowledge your peace
the truest, and can obtain it
your power is something, special
to confront yourself like that~
that takes a lot, you know that, right?
proud of you
take this time to recover
i am so glad that you’ve won
your child is blessed to have a father like you~
for your own realization, and making sure they don’t experience the same
guide you, guide me, guide us, that’s what god’s for
ride through, what’s mean, i see, forgiveness ain’t a war

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