lirik lagu syrespite & ohana - acceptance to vulnerability?
[verse 1: sy]
i was always somebody, but i was never me’
as i didn’t identify myself entirely, that worth hard to embody
the pride took a toll’ in deliberately of makin’ it all foggy
as trauma, i don’t want to remember but had me stall, n’ rocky
but gabor mate said, that it isn’t best for the head’
overweights the stress, to the soul; only leavin’ you to bled
but i ignored and left, no hopes, as i’m better off dead
pushed away ’em, ’cause i told myself that they’re blessed
as i didn’t want to be a burden, but deep inside, i was hurtin’
that it had me emotionless, in confusion on, “where am i?”
i was quite terrified, seclusion was born, hopin’ to be right
but it created illusions from the dark, a cave in my mind’
so i pushed ’em from my heart, a wave and havin’ teary eyes
what i learnt was trust is hurt, from the lessons that’d always lurk
haven’t processed but burnt, though, the neglect still churns
and it’s time i’ll admit, it’s f~ckin’ me up but parts of me, still stern’ (mhm)
after the prelude, i was questioned by izazul; bein’ concerned
“are you pushing people away?” i lied, but, i was blunt~
replied with, “restating my boundaries and to find inner~peace”
i’m surprised, how i wasn’t as open wit’ vulnerability but lied’
as i realized, people were just fragility and weren’t for me~
only for company, so i lied ’bout being fine, and doin’ myself kind
but jax didn’t buy; asked ’bout isolation and said, “it won’t pass time”
as everybody needs a helpin’ hand, in order of ’em to understand~
themselves, much more in repairin’ the shatters in their mind
i was intrigued, but was too afraid of doin’ a thing~
as my past convinced the pain to telepathy that i was nothin’
so it is clear, the traumas are still present and here
and they’re near, my faults as i didn’t process it due to my fears
[bridge: ohana]
how do i exactly move towards~
in comin’ acceptance to my vulnerability?
oh, how the trauma still lives on
where can i exactly find stability?
just where do i? as it feels like a lost of time~
[verse 2: sy]
i remained the same, i was often ashamed
just environmental factors that’d changed, and still untamed
leadin’ to distractors from pain, on whatever it takes
all because i was afraid, it became a ‘norm; had everythin’ strained
does that answer, why i social~isolated? a sense of hatred~
within’ myself, it was reflected in my relationships
a quiet yell; a beyond stress’ being gullible towards myths
as that’s what my mind projected, hope that explanation fits~
but it had me more distant, realizin’ that i was no different
had me feelin’ non~existent, furthermore wit’ trauma still bein’ consistant
jax reminded me i was human, tellin’ me to “better run~”
from that facility, as that would ease for a solution; that’s one
brothers said it’s all love, wit’ forgiveness and clear confusion
but still, i apologize to both, myself is too loosen~
aj looked in my eyes, and told me if everything was fine
but this time i didn’t lie, as the pearls began to shine as i cried
shared my vulnerability, then he told me to seek some therapy
which is why i’m here now~, to free the chains i’ve put myself in, at such a young age
because immortality and tears indulged; affectin’ myself in how i’d love and behave
what i’ve seen and been wasn’t innocent, but some pictures can’t be reframed
contribution in complication to the brain, and what’s more to say?
questioned myself timelessly, on why this all felt so ordained
but i failed to realize that my parents were stained from abuse themselves
and they didn’t know how to comprehend it, now, am i selfish?
they ain’t exactly the blame for their ways, it’s the culture that we’d sin
generational trauma is present, and shapes~all within
and the, “sin” existin’ towards on how it’s dealt; but still ease and hardships
is that why, “that relative” tried to molest and get me in?
is that why, i was lookin’ for manhood ’cause the walls were very thin?
but groomed, and things weren’t lookin’ good~, i was buried in
i just wanted for somebody to tell me i’m worth, something
so, why is this culture not spreadin’ awareness and keepin’ it hid’?
why is this culture not takin’ s~xual abuse serious but to the bin?
because when i was told ’bout that relative, the room binged in laughter
like was this meant to happen, or is this supposed~banter?
y’all can’t keep wonder on why the children do not open up
they’d rather drug, or f~ckin’ cut than revealin’ their ruts
in fears of bein’ judged, and i’m only goin’ to say this once~
i am proud of you, the reader, for the traumas that you got through
so, do not let these fools words f~ckin’ manipulate you
because the sweeter the berry, they’d try and ruin your groove
because you found your inner~peace; the entirety of your room
goin’ to the arms of god, and i swear, he isn’t an enemy
it’s the perception of the lessons from initally~
then acceptin’ the experiences, to then develop yourself, ambitiously~
that once something was ugly, now developed you charmin’ in beauty
so don’t you dare f~ckin’ lose me~
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