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lirik lagu suzaku avenue - i think i know what this is about

conaím in tír liath
i gconaí an rud chéanna

i’m not from around here
and i don’t really know the signs
a quiet dead seastack coloured grey
a grey world built of grey matter

so you’ve locked me away in a chinese room
red lacquered walls, a cauterized womb
i’ll dispense the right words, i’ll never miss my cue
but it’s all chinese to me, if not for you

they baptised me with formaldehyde
they watched me scream and twitch and spasm
just a spatter of sp~nk standing quietly in the corner
a ten~year seizure interrupted by ~rg~sm

because i’m looking for love in all the wrong places
and leaving my love on all the wrong faces
hunting and f~cking and coming by rote
and looking for answers in the bottom of your throat

so i’ll tell you that you matter
while i retch at the thought of your sickly musk
i’ll tell you that you matter
but i’d sell you down the river for the dimensions of a corn husk
i cannot be me
i cannot be what you want me to be
i am not good enough for you or them
i’ve forgotten my lines and my costume
my chinese room is carpeted with eggsh~lls and viscera
my formaldehyde is leaking on you
i will pass the notes through the slit in the wall and you will answer
but i will understand none of it
i will tear my viscera out of my arms until there is nothing left to tear out
my formaldehyde is leaking on you
toujours la même chose

so you asked, “if i said the right thing, does it matter if i meant it?”
well if my body’s transient it can’t matter if she rents it
tear away from me all non~essentials
good for nothing, but at least i have crossover potential
reduced to a pale and syphilitic wh0re
but still, give me just a little bit mort

conaím in tír liath
i gconaí an rud chéanna

i’ll fetch from all remotes
i will find the dimensions of a corn husk
now watch me sell you all down the river
until i’ve been left alone altogether
pale grey seastack off the coast
carved by gales and foaming tides, built by ghosts
cursed with karst till nothing ever grows
toujours, toujours, toujours la même chose

toujours, toujours, toujours la même chose

a transient dissociation
a final confirmation
toujours, toujours, toujours la même chose
i’ll disappoint you again
don’t tell me i’m good enough

déanfaidh mé iarraidh arís

i don’t want to sell you down the river
down the river where that seastack lies
i want to try again
i want all of you to matter

i think i know what this is about

- lirik lagu suzaku avenue

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