lirik lagu stanley holloway - peter the wag
policeman peter forth i drag
from his obscure retreat:
he was a merry, genial wag
who loved a mad conceit
if he were asked the time of day
by country bumpkins green
he not unfrequently would say
“a quarter past thirteen.”
if ever you by word of mouth
enquired of mister forth
the way to somewhere in the south
he always sent you north
with little boys his beat along
he loved to stop and play;
he loved to send old ladies wrong
and teach their feet to stray
he would in frolic moments, when
such mischief bent upon
take bishops up as betting men —
bid ministers move on
then all the worthy boys he knew
he regularly l!cked
and always collared people who
had had their pockets picked
he was not naturally bad
or viciously inclined
but from his early youth he had
a waggish turn of mind
the men of london grimly scowled
with indignation wild;
the men of london gruffly growled
but peter calmly smiled
against this minion of the crown
the swelling murmurs grew —
from camberwell to kentish town
from rotherhithe to kew
still humoured he his wagsome turn
and fed in various ways
the coward rage that dared to burn
but did not dare to blaze
still, retribution has her day
although her flight is slow:
one day that crusher lost his way
near poland street, soho
the haughty youth, too proud to ask
to find his way resolved
and in the tangle of his task
got more and more involved
the men of london, overjoyed
came there to jeer their foe~~
and flocking crowds completely cloyed
the mazes of soho
the news, on telegraphic wires
sped swiftly o’er the lea~~
excursion trains from distant shires
brought myriads to see
for weeks he trod his self~made beats
through newport, gerrard, bear
greek, rupert, frith, dean, poland streets
and into golden square:
but all, alas, in vain, for when
he tried to learn the way
of little boys or grown~up men
they none of them would say
their eyes would flash — their t~~th would grind —
their lips would tightly curl —
they’d say, “thy way thyself must find
thou misdirecting churl!”
and, similarly, also, when
he tried a foreign friend;
italians answered, “il balen” —
the french, “no comprehend.”
the russ would say with gleaming eye
“sevastopol!” and groan
the greek said, tvπτω, tνπτoμαi
tνπτω, tνπτεiv, tνπτωv
to wander thus for many a year
that crusher never ceased —
the men of london dropped a tear
their anger was appeased
at length exploring gangs were sent
to find poor forth’s remains —
a handsome grant by parliament
was voted for their pains
to seek the poor policeman out
bold spirits volunteered
and when at length they solved the doubt
the men of london cheered
and in a yard, dark, dank, and drear
they found him, on the floor —
(it leads from richmond buildings — near
the royalty stage~door.)
with brandy cold and brandy hot
they plied him, starved and wet
and made him sergeant on the spot —
the men of london’s pet!
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