lirik lagu stanley holloway - albert's return
albert’s return
from the stanley holloway record
you’ve `eard `ow young albert ramsbottom
at the zoo up at blackpool one year
with a stick with an `orse’s `ead `andle
gave a lion a poke in the ear?
the name of the lion was wallace,
the poke in the ear made `im wild
and before you could say “bob’s yer uncle”
e’d upped and `e’d swallowed the child.
`e were sorry the moment `e done it;
with children `e’d always been chums,
and besides, `e’d no teeth in his muzzle,
and `e couldn’t chew albert on’t gums.
`e could feel the lad movin’ inside `im
as `e lay on `is bed of dried ferns;
and it might `ave been little lad’s birthday-
e wished `im such `appy returns.
but albert kept kickin’ and fightin’-
and wallace got up, feelin’ bad.
decided ’twere time that `e started
to stage a comeback for the lad.
then puttin’ `ead down in one corner,
on `is front paws `e started to walk;
and `e coughed, and `e sneezed, and `e gargled
`till albert shot out – like a cork!
now wallace felt better directly
and `is figure once more became lean.
but the only difference with albert
was, `is face and `is `ands were quite clean.
meanwhile mr. and mrs. ramsbottom
`ad gone back to their tea, feelin’ blue.
ma said, “i feel down in the mouth, like.”
pa said, “aye, i bet albert does, too.”
said mother, “it just goes to show yer
that the future is never revealed;
if i’d thowt we was goin’ to lose `im,
i’d `ave not `ad `is boots soled and `eeled.”
“let’s look on the bright side,” said father,
“wot can’t be `elped must be endured;
each cloud `as a silvery lining,
and we did `ave young albert insured.”
a knock on the door came that moment
as father these kind words did speak.
`twas the man from prudential – `e’d come for
their tuppence per person per week.
when father saw `oo `ad been knockin’,
`e laughed, and `e kept laughin` so –
the man said “`ere, wot’s there to laugh at?”
pa said “you’ll laugh and all when you know!”
“excuse `im for laughing,” said mother,
“but really, things `appen so strange –
our albert’s been et by a lion;
you’ve got to pay us for a change!”
said the young man from the prudential:
“now, come, come, let’s understand this-
you don’t mean to say that you’ve lost `im?”
pa said “oh, no, we know where `e is!”
when the young man `ad `eard all the details,
a purse from `is pocket he drew
and `e paid them with interest and bonus
the sum of nine pounds, four and two.
pa `ad scarce got `is `and on the money
when a face at the window they see-
and mother cried “eee, look, it’s albert!”
and father said “aye, it would be.”
albert came in all excited,
and started `is story to give;
and pa said “i’ll never trust lions
again, not as long as i live.”
the young man from the prudential
to pick up the money began
but father said “`ere, wait a moment,
don’t be in a `urry, young man.”
then giving young albert a shilling,
`e said “`ere, pop off back to the zoo;
get your stick with the `orse’s `ead `andle-
go and see wot the tigers can do!”
filename[ alblion2
rp
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