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lirik lagu scnd (chl) - left me lonely / haunted memories

[left me lonely]

[verse 1]
i wash my hands so you don’t have to see
what i’ve become for god’s sake (hmm, hmm)
a sinner without a remedy (ooh)
i hope i just leave this maze
the serpent follows my steps, slowing me down and tryna get me high
tell them “i’ve seen it all, won’t fall for your lies”
hopelessly pessimistic, n0body speaks to i, oh, are you entertained yet?
you left me lonely, left me lonely (left me lonely)
all the timе, all the time, no, oh
but, i forgive еverybody at the end

[chorus]
get so alone, might never come back
still, everyday i’m thinking so black (so bla~bla~bla~a~ack)
fell in a pool of skeletons and blurry visions (mayday, mayday)
the one alone when everybody else has friends to hold on to, ugh!
it just hypnotizes me, it smells like a dead crow

[verse 2]
i wanna love, i love you so, so
i love your songs, i love how perfect you are
i would k!ll myself for you, so you’ll have to die twice
i love how you solve it all, how you don’t just stay in bed
how you enjoy outside, with not any fear on sight
i love your despise towards me, who knew we felt the same
love how you’re never alone, always the life of the party
but yet, i can’t really fool myself from the truth
i love how you know all this was a lie
i hate how i feel everytime
i just can’t love you anymore
it is just me versus me, this day and age
here i be, trapped in a quicksand to no avail
[chorus]
get so alone, might never come back (no~ohhh)
still, everyday i’m feeling all black
fell in a pool of triturated rocks containing tribulations
hope i don’t get eaten alive
pray that i survive, no running from h~ll
the one alone when everybody else has friends
it just makes my mind go around and around ’till i break

[verse 3]
hol’ up, hm, let me reply
to be left alone is something i have survived
time and time again, with no cure for my depression
tears rolling to the floor, from where i stand
but it goes deeper and darker than that, look into my eyes and see my soul
a heavy sinner, pessimistic, troubled child with autism
and then you see it, can’t you feel it?
the time when it will come, will you be left without god?
apart from the pain, and the torment that rains, it will all perish away
murderers and sorcerers teaming up to hurt you, and your ones and only’s
demons dressed as loved ones, tainting your exposed brain
the lake of fire keeps you warm in a jiffy, with a curse so it would never hurt less or more
as right now, stuck in these four walls that sorround me
trapping me inside a state of mind, making me miserable and paranoid
got my mom’s emotions, cry over many things, got a sensitive soul
but, as this era continues and progresses, i notice me becoming numb and number to—
to everything, i do wonder, is this how a robot feels?
is this rap, poetry or spoken word?
what if i combine the three and make it all work
but— well, i know that our time’s taking for granted
and as the end of nigh approaches and becomes closer (three)
it will all happen in a flash, be over soon (two)
and before you know it, it has already happened (one)
judgement of everyone, you could imagine h~ll being the last party (zero)
satan sold you lies to live an earthly life, your punishment, bigger than anything else there may be (minus one)
is that you will forever be without god (minus two, jesus)
[haunted memories]

[part i]

[intro]
all i see
a rainbow made of black
my other half, laughs in my head as i cry
i’ll be alone, alone, alone, alone, oh my

[verse 1]
cover me in roses, nightshades
am i too obnoxious? doubt it
rainy days on my brain, can’t stop ’em
it’s the nightmare of my dream, haunt me, my fears
prolly deserve it for sinning and messing my mental
chaos takeover, everytime the bell rings
no relaxing, and i ain’t feeling safe nowhere
it all just fades to black, back to another reality
town burns while i freeze in cold
said, i just want to leave (leave)
please just care for me, yeah
sitting here like a (ghost)
going to the thunderstorm, yeah, you won’t see me again!
unborn babies, feed the propaganda to our faces
left in tombstones for worms to feed themselves, huh?
on the death corridor, nowhere is safe no more
i’ll just go and run, hoping i can make it out and alive from the evils
y’all blame me and my mind blames me, tell me how would i escape this state
told you i can’t take no joke, it’s always too serious for me, so get off my side and get behind!
forgotten and left behind, that’s exactly who i am, uh
fearfully, trapped in my mind colored blue, i’m rotten, bound
feel so blind, tend to cry, i’m so fed up, can’t fly through clouds
but i know these words will live forever, and i won’t ever die, for my name is in the book of life, i am a son of god
oh, i struggle everyday, with temptations crossing me, but i remember the cross and i’m settled in
i just need a sign, lord, this life is too harsh on me
a sensitive boy with way too many issues for me to count, oh god
will i ever be at peace here on earth? i wonder, what’s your plan for me?
i just, just want you to hold me in your arms (pray)
[chorus]
will i be at home?
has this been another bittersweet dream
made of something that, i don’t know if i could describe
you would have thought i had something figured out
but, i tell you, i can’t hide behind the tree

[part ii]

[verse 2]
my, oh my, thru glasses i see beneath the lies
breathing heavily when i survive (ah, ha)
i come alive, right at the night
i might decide, what to do, huh?!
been all alone, all along, i can see my flight!
towards the moon, made of the blood i shed!
sweating and trying, hold up my mode (oh my!)
on a bad mood, getting so low
my broken mind, now it’s the fall
all the flaws i see, my deadly weapon that’s off the rails
dealing with all my sins in only one road
do you ever feel trapped inside time, you may see it everyday, but could never catch it
and, everybody’s gone now, everything’s dust here
won’t you hear what i’m saying? tell me, can you hear what i’m sayin’?!
man, i’ma let it all control me, i could never have self control
with my writings on the wall, “i am not here”
i dissapeared, i am just a ghost
i am just a ghost
mh, i’ll be better off alone, just stay out my head
stay out of my head, ahhhh!
i’ma crash it down, burn this down
all across the town, ain’t no stopping me
can’t you see, all that i’ve been through (i need some company, i need, please)
argh! can’t tell who’s real, who’s not, i’m about to throw my key to an ocean
and doze off so i can feel nothing
i need somebody like me, but i can never bring myself to be the first to say something
so i stay on my same seat, thinking the same things
and when we do groups, i am literally the only left alone, hah?!
all these happy thoughts have been leaving since i got here
i’m sorry, but i get infatuated by these thoughts
it’s my alignment, i can’t hold my breath, i’m about to drown
everybody’s saying i could do better, but, how can i do when you aren’t there to hold me?
guide me, save me, i could never see
these mountains, they blind me, i can see the creatures
creeping, singing, always up to catch me
maybe i’ll just stay down, so i’ll be a kite
close my eyes and hold pitch darkness, coldness catches (gone)
monsters see me (gone)
and i’ll let the wind guide me as i’m (still)
until i can feel no more, stand up no more
everybody will know why i’m around
they will see a glitter of light i never leave
and then you’ll understand, it ain’t forever
but this music will stay forever
destroy my hope, never!
destroy my hope, never!
destroy my hope, never!

[outro: spoken word]
therapy session, number 27
i couldn’t stand it, so i spoke the truth of me
questioning the psychologist
i just went and thinked
“this doesn’t help me, i decide what to do
this just makes me think more and more about suicide
i’m done with all this”
~slams the door~
that’s what i thought but didn’t do
after that, i realized, but never understood the reality around me
all i’d hear outside is planes passing by
all ready for war

- lirik lagu scnd chl

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