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lirik lagu sam kinison - heart-stoppers

yeah, tough gig, folks. it was a tough gig. right then, i knew he’d never been married. i knew jesus didn’t have a wife. no wife just lets you take off for three f~ckin’ days. and you come home and say, “yeah, i was dead.”

yeah, that works. i don’t know any of you that have been married, but that always works for me. “where were you all weekend?”

“honey, i was dead. and i found a way to reanimate dead tissue back into life.”

yeah, if jesus had been married, he’d have came home, his cross, all of his sh~t would have been out in the yard. he would have had to tell the disciples, “you guys better stay here, she’s probably on her period. hold on.”

“honey? honey, i’m home!”

“where’ve you been? where’s those twelve f~ckin’ losers that won’t get a job?”

“they’re not losers, they’re my disciples~~”

“they’re losers! they’re using you. you’re not even smart enough to know it. anybody says, ‘i believe, i believe,’ we put ’em and and feed em and i’m sick of it! where does it end?!”

the disciples out there going, “oh, sh~t! we’ll see you later, jesus!”

“don’t leave me, guys! don’t leave me!”

half the crowd’s going, “i wish he would stop telling those jesus jokes.”

“how can we ever be saved if we hear this?”

oh, people freak, they go, “aren’t you afraid, sam? aren’t you afraid of going to h~ll? don’t you lay in bed at night, deep in the dark night listening to your own heartbeat?” [thump~thump, thump~thump]
“h~llo? it’s time to pay back for those f~ckin’ jokes.”

“what? what, lord?”

“let’s see how you like this tune.” [thump~thump stops]

- lirik lagu sam kinison

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