lirik lagu sam kinison - butt and the bible
i don’t know what it is, man, women try to bring that sh~t up, don’t they? you always have those fights. when you’re in love, you have those fights. you try to say the meanest f~ckin’ things you can think of to each oth~~. you wanna say one thing that just makes them snap, you know? “well, i’m not the one that was a runaway when his dad died!”
“ohh. well, i’m not the one that’s had four abortions!”
“ah! ahh!”
f~ckin’ spin out, they go nuts. ha~ha, ha~ha. oh, you play tough. uhh. and i don’t know what it is about the d~ck. they love to f~ck with your d~ck, what is that sh~t? they love to tell you about a bigger one they had some other time in their life. “oh, i’m so glad your d~ck is smaller than my last boyfriends, he was, he was so big, uh, i was always sore, i never enjoyed it, it was uncomfortable~~”
and you wanna go, “will you shut your fuc~~? i don’t wan’t to hear about some guy that stretched you out and made you f~ckin’ scream!”
see, here’s what you do, guys, here’s what you f~ckin’ do. this is worth your admission price tonight, right here. here’s what you do, you agree with them, “oh, yeah, oh, yeah. yeah, i got a small d~ck. i got a tiny d~ck. that’s why you’re not going to mind it when i shove it up your ass! ’cause it’s so small, right, honey? it’s so small, you won’t even know i’m there. you’ll be able to sleep through it, you f~ckin’ b~tch!”
all of the sudden, you’re big again, it’s “ah, you’re big, your big, ah, oh!”
“is it still small?”
“ahh~uhh!”
yeh~he~he, ha. all the guys with small d~cks in the audience, they’re going, “i know what i’m doing tonight when i get home, tell you that.”
all you girls be walking around going, “that was a very funny joke, mr. kinison, thank you very much. i won’t be able to come into work today. no, it’s my ass. my boyfriend went and saw sam kinison last night. it’s very funny. very f~ckin’ funny.”
ha~ha~ho. you think i’m kiddin’, girls, it’s gonna happen. i don’t know what it is about the ass, ~n~l s~x isn’t even that much fun. we don’t even think about it. guys don’t even really want to do it ’til you tell ’em they can’t!
it’s like the garden, you know it’s like the garden of eden with the tree. you know, that was a real smart trick. gets adam and eve and goes, “listen, you can have every tree here but this one!” the one with the neon sign that says, “don’t eat me, don’t eat me. don’t eat me.” yeah, you know
like, who the f~ck is not gonna get bored and, “oh, f~ck this, nom, nom.” that’s the way the ass is to guys, ladies. i know it’s a brilliant segue way ~n~logy to be able to compare the garden of eden to, to like, ~n~l f~ckin’ s~x, i’m the guy. if anybody can bridge these two experiences
“you know, f~ckin’ a girl in the ass is a lot like the beginning of the bible.”
“where does he get this sh~t?” but is, man. girls go, “you can have this and you can have this and these, but you can’t touch this!”
“i didn’t even want to until you told me i couldn’t have it!”
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