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lirik lagu peter cook - blue football

“i’m a blue football!” said timothy frears
“no, you’re not,” said his father and kicked him upstairs
“i’m a blue football!” his mother was told
“i’m rubber inside and i’m sixty years old!”
“if you’re rubber inside,” his mother announced
“i can’t understand why you’ve never been bounced.”
so she opened the window and threw him below
down into the garden, and whaddya know?
he bounced down the pathway and over the gate
and he bounced on a bus, number 148
he bounced up and down for a while on the top
and only bounced off whеn the bus had to stop
it stopped at the palacе. he bounced very hard
right over the railings and way past the guard
the sentries could scarcely believe what they”d seen
when timothy landed on top of the queen
she was combing her locks when he dropped on her head
“i’m sorry, your majesty,” timothy said
“but i’m a blue football, i’m rubber inside.”
“of course you are, dear,” the good lady replied
“you must meet my husband, he’d love to meet you
the duke’s keen on footb~lls, especially blue.”
she sent off some servants, the duke was soon found
and the queen and the duke kicked him gently around
“goodness me!” said the queen when the game was all done
“kicking blue footb~lls is really great fun!
after all of that kicking, it’s only polite
to give you some tea and make you a knight!”
she pulled on a bell on a long silken cord
and ordered some scones and her best knighting sword
and after they all had had plenty to eat
young timothy knelt at the queen’s royal feet
she dubbed him sir timothy football the first
but the sword on his shoulder made timothy burst
he flew into pieces all over the room
the queen smiled faintly and summoned a groom
“those swords are too sharp!” she said to the man
“get all my best doctors as quick as you can!”
the doctors arrived with their needles and thread
and sewed him together, his chest and his head
his arms and his legs and his knees and his feet
and in under an hour, he was nearly complete
but one piece was missing, and the duke said, “oh dear!
you’ll have to go home without your left ear!”
“are you sure you had both when you came?” asked the queen
“never mind” said sir tim. “it’s just one less to clean.”
apart from one ear he was quite good as new
the doctors advised him just what he should do:
eat plenty of yogurt, fresh raisins, and yeast
and cut down on bouncing for two weeks at least
the queen shook his hand and climbed into her car
she was meeting her chieftain from west zanzibar
the duke waved goodbye and said, “never fear!
i promise i’ll keep an eye out for your ear.”
his mother and father asked where he had been
so he told them about being kicked by the queen
and how he had burst when she made him a knight
how the doctors had seen him together all right
they couldn’t believe him, but did think it queer
that he should come home with only one ear
then seven days later, a messenger came
and asked for sir timothy football by name
“i’ve got an ear here, the object was found
by her majesty’s corgi whilst sniffing around
so please ascertain if this ear is the one
and then we can get it back onto you, son.”
when they came back from the doctor’s that night
sir timothy said, “you see, i was right
i am a blue football and rubber inside.”
“so you are,” said his father, his voice filled with pride
“and your mother and i must be footb~lls as well.”
and they all started bouncing. that’s all there’s to tell

- lirik lagu peter cook

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