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lirik lagu palmyra - shape i'm in

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i’ve been writing down every move i make
and every waking thought
and i still haven’t found a through line
how can i explain when all the words i have escape me?
i’m sorry for the mess
i’m sorry for the shape i’m in

and every hour on the hour
i have some revelation
a communion with a power
that i cannot get a break from
damn the experts and the healers and my friends
i’m sorry that i yelled
i’m sorry for the shape i’m in

i put to bed the name my parents gave to me
and i was once a boy
and i will be a grown~up when i get there
tell your god i’ve not forgotten how he made me
i’m sorry for my face
i’m sorry for the shape i’m in

and when i wished that i was gone
and i had spent all that you gave me
i ugly cried the whole way home
i don’t know how i made it
damn the interstate, the hospital, the road i take to work
i’m sorry for the hurt
i’m sorry for the shape i’m in
when the river freezes over
in the middle of the summer heat
and i am in the throes of it
i’m up too late, i’m lower than i’ve ever been
lower than last time
i’d found my center and my stride
and for a minute it had evened out
told everyone that i was in control
and i could hold it in my hands awhile
lower than last time

then i swore i heard the angels singing “lo, the savior comes”
and i ignored the flashing lights and warning signs
drifting higher than i’ve ever been before
higher than last time
and the clockwork of my illness is a sick joke i could laugh about
until i cry, and cry, and cry
lower than i’ve ever been
lower than i’ve ever been
i’m higher than i’ve ever been before
than i’ve ever been
i’m so much lower than i’ve ever been
higher than i’ve ever been
i’m lower than i’ve ever been
than i’ve ever been
so won’t you take a look?
won’t you take a long one?
don’t you turn away
leave a porch light and a pot on
and i cannot behave
i know i give less than i ought to
i know i cannot ask for you to stay but i have got to
i’m sorry for the mess
i’m sorry for the shape i’m in


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