lirik lagu oshen (usa) - the apology of an artist
[intro]
took me like a storm, and i could never come back
from the fact i let you all down, guess i’m on track
to be a f~ck~up forever i never wanted, no never
i never thought it would end like this
fifteen songs i was limitless
now this feeling in my chest
and i can’t get a rest
all these subliminal emotions
thought that i was the best
it’s a mess
and heavy weight on me cause i can never f~cking contest this
yeah
check this
[verse 1]
going through my head, infinite sounds
every bar writes itself i just gotta jot down
every flow singing melody, feel like i drown in the soundscape
no brake
pedal suck, go straight
cut~rate, i’m a mistake
making mixtapes
in checkmate
do a figure~eight
can’t articulate how i feel
i’m a blank slate with a complex underpaint
and a distant soul mate
malnourished, so i never gain weight
under~hydrated, so i feel like an ornate
waste, sad sorry sack of bones
while i wait
for my long~time~coming expiration date
[bridge 1]
i’m sorry
i wish i never made that sh~t
detrimental failure
i guess this is it
royal disappointment
maybe i should quit
it can’t be repaired
now my soul is amiss
[verse 2]
this is what happens when you rush
and you rush in fast
all i wanted was to make my place
in a place that would last
i’m a master of ruining everything good that i have
so i’m bad, i’m bad
so what if i’m bad?
be mad, stay mad
blowing up my notepad with these words
i’m the worst
but i can’t be the first motherf~cker to hate my work
and to feel like dirt
when i could’ve done better cause i know my worth
everything in who i am does not depend on what i make
i can still achieve a reputation with a half~baked song
or a face that looks wrong
or a sentence too long
cause i’m human, and i’m strong
and my art is only part of me
and sometimes it’s the worst of me
but also bring the best of me
so everybody else can see
that i’m just like the rest and even if
my name is tied to something that i’m not proud of
[bridge 2]
i’ll be okay
i’m sorry
i swear i’ll be okay
creation feeling draining when i hate what i create
this started as a joke and now it’s something i relate
it’s laughably bad but it sp~wned something great
the mind of an artist is beautiful place
[verse 3]
erase mistakes is the first instinct
but in the first place the mistakes were a dream
so it makes me think
in this life that’s a blink
of an eye
thinking why
do i even create?
all the time that i waste making stupid mistakes
but this life is a maze, and i’m lost on the way
cause i look for my place
but there’s not enough sp~ce
so i chase small b~tterflies
anything to stay alive
keep me from the suicidal side of things i try to hide
spend a lot of effort on the features i like
in the crease of your smile and the shape of your eyes
and that one little detail i never get right
in the endless abyss when i look to the sky
i feel so small and i think i wanna die
is it worth it i can’t when i think of you cry
i’ve lost all intentions i had at the start
and this poetry decided to flow from the heart
[outro]
i’m sorry
i wish
that i
was perfect
i want
to feel
that i
am worth it
i’m sorry
i wish
that i
could say
the things
i feel
i’m not
okay
i want
to love
and feel
i’m loved
i’m sorry
i’m sorry
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