lirik lagu offbeat (uk) - modern man
[verse 1]
i’m a pretty capable guy in most aspects of my life
i can cook, clean and do what it takes to survive
but there’s one area where i could be whole lot better
and that’s doing anything practical whatsoever
the kind of jobs you’d classify as “real man stuff”
anything involving tools, wood, steel and such
stuff i thought you just knew one you reached a certain age
but now i’ve reached it i realise is far from the case
stuff my dad’s generation seem to just understand
like they’ve got a manual – with the emphasis on “man”
and girls don’t get mad coz i know you can do it too
in fact i’m regularly shown up by a few of you who do
don’t get me wrong there’s plenty other value i can add
i can sync your email on your phone and ipad
i’m just not the type of guy you’d describe as a lad
and that’s fine i’ve come to terms with the fact that i simply am a…
[chorus]
modern man – there’s a lot that i can do
i can whip up a delicious gluten free vegan stew
i’m a modern man – and it’s even low carb
but if the oven won’t start i’m afraid we’re gonna starve
i’m a modern man – i got a lotta sk!lls
i can recommend a range of excellent foreign films
i’m a modern man – you can borrow them as well
but if you want a screwdriver then.. sorry i can’t help
[verse 2]
when it comes to diy for me the d stands for delegate
coz i cause devastation whenever i decorate
and as for tryna mend something when it breaks
my expertise extends as far as wrapping it together with some sellotape
i came home one day and the house was pitch black
so i rang my dad who told me just to fl!ck a switch back
“it’s very simple son, all you’ve done is blow a fuse out”
“i dunno dad, it sounds easier just to move house”
it’s not that i’m adverse to manual labour
it’s just by steering clear i’m doing everybody a favour
and if you say it’s not that bad, you’ll back track for sure
when you see how long it takes to make some flatpack drawers
– 4 hours and a whole load of cursing later
and it barely resemble the picture that’s on the paper
but even though they’re crooked i’m still grinning with pride
until i realise i’ve put the handles on the inside
[chorus]
i’m a modern man – don’t talk to me about sport
i don’t know my tennis pitches from my football courts
i’m a modern man – my mates treat me with disdain
coz when their teams lose i say “it’s only a game”
i’m a modern man – i’m useless in a fight
despite my extensive training at boxercise
i’m a modern man – so i’m bound to lose
like “let’s talk it out” while being beaten with my own shoe
[verse 3]
i hear girls complaining when they go to the garage
that the mechanics just assume that their knowledge is lacking
but as a man, the opposite assumption is made
and that your brain contains every single volume of haynes
i got a flat tyre when i was driving one time
so pulled over and rang the nearest garage i could find
explained the situation and then waited inside
for over 2 hours until the guy finally arrived
he eyed it up and down and asked “do you have a spare?”
i stared blankly and replied “uh not that i’m aware…”
he opened the back door, lifted up the floor
– and i was like “wow, i never knew that there!”
he changed it and then handed me a bill for the work
and to tell the truth i don’t know how much this stuff is worth
so when i saw the price i tried to not look surprised
“£900 – mmm yeah that sounds about right…”
[chorus]
i’m a modern man – i don’t know how to read a map
i still get lost even when i’m following a satnav
i’m a modern man – but i rarely lose my rag
because i practice mindfulness daily with an app
i’m a modern man – i don’t want a builders brew
but a roobois or chai infusion will do
coz i’m a modern man – or if you’re offering coffee
then a decaf frapaccino with some cream and some toffee
i’m a modern man – my girlfriends always despair
coz when we hold hands mine are softer than theirs
i’m a modern man – i’ll notice their new hair
– but if i see a spider i’ll be standing on a chair
i’m a modern man – i don’t get on with their dads
i’m the son they’re always glad that they never had
i’m a modern man – but mums always approve
coz i can help them pair their outfits with their new shoes
i’m a modern man
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