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lirik lagu melmige - chamomile radio #1

part 1

living life in the margins
peripheral vision occupy because the center is visceral
ephemeral ascension for a minute but overall
it’s a gimmick for retention of the thought we can carry on
it’s a certain sense of self that i had learned to neglect
directionless emotion manifest to react
take shape for interaction dissipate when it’s shed
i exist when observed statе of limbo when left alone
i’m formlеss mimicking the last word heard
i gotta force it
muscles contort to form words it’s extortion
juggling fronts for which thoughts i endorse
to k!ll at the source would be merciful
i’ll tip toe around it till im in the distance
non~committal to the rhythm i could switch any minute
i mix guilt with the dissonance till it kicks in
been a minute since beginning learned quick to be painless

i live life in the back
calculate when to react and how i do it
a mechanical movement from a program
cracked at the core to sort storage i’m sure
there’s somethin here that i could use at the moment
it’s centripetal in force the center tethered to my core
i’m spinning circles round the mental fortitude i’ve built and sure
i’m hanging on a tight grip but if i slip for a minute
my trajectory shifts i won’t get it again
it’s so exhausting
why do i try so hard
am i projecting
how did i get this far
and am i falling
i can’t tell anymore
i think im floating i think im floating
i feel lack self awareness uncertain in my presence
but have enough of it to know ill never learn my lesson
it never ends
take action hit depressive episode bounce back fall down and begin it again
part 2

automotive atrophy been planting feet in dirt more
metabolic symphonies my job been makin knees sore
catatonic history awaken from the coma
to a sight to see i wanted peace and got it f~ck you staring for
tactical retreat for observation keepin keen
eyes around me feelin ophanim no seraph im in sin
lie back into recessions ive been busy as of late
activity importance varies i’m just trynna stay awake
and when you got it really get it f~cking go
multiple autumns passing by like i don’t know
how to move and now im stomping through the snow
wonder how it’s gone before it ever makes it known
im seeing flashes what i missed in the reflections in the mist
i feel remiss for what i didn’t even notice i was in
and when it disappears i hope that i can make it in the end
never too old to attempt to begin again

soon as i settle down i notice sirens blaring in the distance
tunnel vision start to focus
not in danger at the moment but i could be what’s important
is im ready doing rituals delaying the explosion
took a bit of domesticity and boredom in the routine
to develop mechanisms feel an arbitrary clean
what’s the metric that i measure by how many times to breathe
in and out and in back out again count 3 until release
i might have got a bit to comfortable too steady so i dream
of situations where im dying cause i broke away to see
what could’ve been i know im happy now as steady i can be
but still im scared i wasted time i missed the window to achieve
a single f~cking goal i set at graduation 23 a dropout
working jobs minimum penny wages
war against myself know these decisions are the reason
that i made it where i am just wish i did like they said im capable of
what’s the cap on the love
what’s the line that you draw
some conditional clause
for keeping faith and how long
when you plan to withdraw
i know you’ve given it thought
just give it to me straight so i can move on

part 3

it’s that romanticized rain hitting glass in the night
it’s that repression of the pain associated with the fights
you’ve had with loved ones and yourself to fragment pieces of your mind
across the people pleased a people pleaser to a fault and i
don’t think i stood up for myself until the age of 21
hittin decibels in syllables until my words are done
phonetic rhythms in the yelling spit emotion under thunder
insisted getting the last word but never felt i’d really won
the years died i wasn’t looking my dog died i wasn’t looking
said goodbye and understood that i was different and i couldn’t
be the same i didn’t want to but at least wanted the option
think the splintered floors of downtown left a mark in me i’m honest now
looking back i loved to lie
enshrouded truth in each goodbye
and sat there sick because i knew
that it would catch up wondered when it would hit
but in the nature of the growth i don’t think it ever did
its 28 degrees i’ve never felt better
see 3 houses in a dream and they’re on fire
the foundation will careen but never crumble
cause the memories are harsh but they happened and i know it
sippin coffee in the morning and the evening
and i’m working in the morning and the evening
comfort coming from monotony it’s all i’ve ever wanted
crave stability and the urge to k!ll it

i’m a god im a man
i’m a d~ck i’m a friend
i’m a knife in the hand
im the blood in the sand
im a paragon for what you can’t understand
im sickness im death im life and the breath
that you take when it’s over diminished
you can leave cause i’m finally finished
i appreciate you for just listening
im okay i promise i mean it

it’s finally over

- lirik lagu melmige

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