lirik lagu mayor breslin (obscurest vinyl) - a visit from santa
[mayor breslin]
no, no, he died like seven years ago, he’s deceased
yeah, don’t worry
oh~ho, everybody, i think we know what f~ckin’ time it is
he, he, alright, settle down, settle down
uh—the night is still, the stars agleam
a time of wonder, like a dream
f~ckin’ hark! what sound disturbs this peace?
a jingle soft, a clatter brief
huh, uh, could it be the sleigh i hear
with reindeer hooves
you know—no, uh, i can’t read this anymore, santa’s up on the f~ckin’ roof, he’s gonna come down and give you a bunch of toys and sh~t
santa, get your f~ckin’ creepy ass down here
[mayor breslin, santa, and elf george]
ho ho ho, merry christmas
it’s so good to see all of you
but i’m afraid i don’t have any presents for you
you f~ckin’ serious?
well, i sent one of my elves to handle santa’s magic mail machine
and i guess his tinsel got tangled and the letters never made it to the north pole
santa, i can explain!
don’t lose your tinsel, it wasn’t my fault!
george, tell santa what happened
the reindeer came swoopin’ down from the sky real low and started steppin’ on my throat
i was gonna die
so i threw my pistol over to reyna
she was supposed to shoot the reindeer but she shot me in the f~ckin’ head
that’s why i can’t talk good
excuse me?
that doesn’t sound like something reyna would do
plus, she was at the north pole with me
santa, you gotta believe me, i tried
i tried to get all the letters but i was all disorientated from the f~ckin’ hole in my head
it was an honest mistake, santa, you’ve gotta believe me, it was reyna!
honest mistake? you crumpled christmas like a piece of wrapping paper
i’m sorry, santa!
do you know what happens to elves who f~dg~ the fruitcake this bad?
i will never f~dg~ a fruitcake again, santa! i am—
they get shot in the f~ckin’ head!
santa, don’t do nothin’ stupid
whoa whoa whoa, relax
don’t do nothin’ stupid!
let’s stop for a second
santa, take one of these. you look like you could use one
what is this? a lamp?
f~ckin’ precisely
[gunshot]
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