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lirik lagu mary lambert - another rape poem (sixteen)

i walked in
saw your face
white t–th clamped
black t-shirt
should have run
i was a prize

sixteen, sixteen, sixteen

i was sixteen and had a boyfriend that was an idiot
which was okay, because i was also kind of an idiot
my friend and i snuck into an army barracks late at night
she was dating an older guy who lived on the base
suddenly i was a prize in a building of a thousand men —
drenched in america and sweat
i’m not saying that the military raped me
i’m saying i was sixteen and i was on my period

(black t-shirt)
there were three wolves in the bedroom who circled me
(should have run)
without ever flashing their canines
isn’t rape funny like that?
i have to speak in metaphor in order to get it out

in the morning, i told myself that i drank too much
and that i cheated, and that i was so sorry
and boys will be boys
weaved a different story in my head
painted it like glitter in a swamp
forced a laugh when i said “rough s-x”
(saw your face)

i wonder how many girls have giggled while they were raped
i bet a lot of them (black t-shirt)
(should have run)
sometimes when i’m washing the dishes, the hairs on my arms stand up
and somehow thought memory turns into physical memory
and i feel my body tense up at the kitchen sink
(saw your face)
i don’t know the science of that kind of thing
but i feel my eyes close scared
and the movie plays
and i softly say “no”
and i don’t laugh uncomfortably this time (black t-shirt)
and afterwards the fury comes like a wave of ashes
and i pretend i am the biggest most powerful phoenix
and as my hands wrap around the coffee mug in the water
i pretend they teleport through time and sp-ce to that night
and circle around his neck and i say “no”
a whole f-ck-ton louder than i did

i guess what i’m saying is (saw your face)
i don’t apologize like that anymore (white t–th clamped)
(black t-shirt, should have run)
(cries of anguish)

when i walked in
saw your face
white t–th clamped
black t-shirt
should have run
i’m not a prize

- lirik lagu mary lambert

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