lirik lagu konstantinos kourentzes - cursed dwarven boots
my toenails are screaming like tortured little sh~ts
these dwarven boots are tighter than a mind flayer’s tits
every step’s a war crime, blisters full of pus
i’m angrier than a drow who missed the last fungi bus
my big toe’s turning colors that shouldn’t exist
purple, green, and throbbing like an angry cyst
f~ck these boots! f~ck the underdark!
i’m throwing rocks at everything after dark!
my toes are screaming “k!ll us now!”
so i’m stoning every rothé cow!
gelatinous cube? get a boulder to the face!
my feet smell like a troglodyte’s taint~sp~ce!
met a s~xy succubus, she tried to steal my soul
i threw a stalactite and hit her in the hole
not that hole, the other one—right between her eyes
my pinky toe just popped and now i’m hearing flies
the fungus here is edible but tastes like sweaty ass
my boots are full of blood and—oh sh~t, that’s poison gas!
i’m hurling stones at shadows, at the ceiling, at the floor
my left foot’s so infected that it’s growing its own spore!
the cobbler’s mother was a rust monster!
his father f~cked a mimicked chest!
these boots were forged in the b~ttcrack of h~ll!
by a cross~eyed derro with one test~i~cull!
found a boot removal scroll but it was written in drow
tried to read it anyway, now my beard won’t grow
threw the scroll at a dark creeper, watched the b~st~rd explode
my big toenail just fell off on this sh~tty stone road
f~ck! these! mother! f~cking! boots!
i’m weaponizing geology, you underground newts!
my feet are rotting off but i don’t give a d~mn!
i’ll stone a purple worm right in its gaping spam!
illithid tadpoles? getting pebbled in their pool!
my toes look like a carrion crawler’s stool!
in the dark i hobble, throwing stones with glee
every rock’s a middle finger to my foot’s anatomy
the underdark will remember this dwarven rampage night
when a bearded lunatic with f~cked~up feet
made geology a weapon of spite!
my feet! my beautiful feet!
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