lirik lagu k1llimee - afraid to be happy
afraid to be happy – k1llimee
intro:
they say time heals, but i ain’t got no patience
i’ve been stuck in this loop, like pain’s my foundation
i must’ve shattered every mirror in my path
’cause all i get is losses dressed up as laughs
hook:
why can’t i be happy? why’s it always war?
every time i find peace, it gets ripped from the floor
i smile for a second, then life pulls a blade
now i’m scared to feel joy ‘cause it don’t ever stay
why can’t i be happy? why can’t i breathe?
why’s every blessing just something that leaves?
i don’t enjoy life, i just try to survive
and i’m starting to wonder why i’m even alive
verse 1:
i must’ve broke a thousand mirrors, cracked the glass of fate
bad luck tattooed on me like it’s part of my name
i don’t chase love no more, i wait for the knife
’cause once i get close, pain ruins my life
every high gets hijacked, joy’s just bait
i open up, and the universe retaliates
trust? that’s a game i don’t play no more
‘cause every “i got you” turns to slammin’ the door
once i feel safe, the ground gets pulled
then i’m left with scars no smile can dull
i want something real, someone who sees past the mask
but every soft moment ends up biting my ass
now i keep my heart zipped up in steel
‘cause love don’t heal—it just reveals
how broken i am, how cursed i feel
like happiness ain’t even real
hook:
why can’t i be happy? why’s it always war?
every time i find peace, it gets ripped from the floor
i smile for a second, then life pulls a blade
now i’m scared to feel joy ‘cause it don’t ever stay
why can’t i be happy? why can’t i breathe?
why’s every blessing just something that leaves?
i don’t enjoy life, i just try to survive
and i’m starting to wonder why i’m even alive
verse 2:
i don’t wanna feel like this, but i do
wakin’ up every day like, “what’s even the use?”
i used to dream of love, now i just sleep in pain
’cause every hand i hold ends up bringing rain
i finally open up, give someone the key
and the moment i trust, they abandon me
got me feelin’ like a d~mn fool again
like my heart’s some toy they pretend to defend
with you—i can’t let go, and that’s the worst
‘cause i’m good at ghostin’ people that hurt
but you got in deep, now you haunt my chest
like a song stuck on loop, i can’t rest
i miss the fake future i built in my head
now it’s just echoes, pain, and meds
i wanna move on, but my soul’s in chains
love ain’t love when it’s built from games
hook:
why can’t i be happy? why’s it always war?
every time i find peace, it gets ripped from the floor
i smile for a second, then life pulls a blade
now i’m scared to feel joy ‘cause it don’t ever stay
why can’t i be happy? why can’t i breathe?
why’s every blessing just something that leaves?
i don’t enjoy life, i just try to survive
and i’m starting to wonder why i’m even alive
verse 3:
i wanna meet someone—but my guard’s like stone
’cause i’ve learned love leaves when i’m most alone
i put on a front like i’m cold and fine
but inside i’m begging for a softer sign
i’ve been ghosted, cheated, left in the dirt
so now i’m scared every h~llo leads to hurt
i don’t wanna hurt, but i’m hurting still
don’t wanna feel, but these feelings k!ll
and i laugh it off like i’m hard as h~ll
but the truth is, i don’t enjoy life at all
i just move through it like i’m on a track
one wrong thought and i might not come back
i keep asking god what the lesson is
but all i get is more questions, more wreckage
i fake smiles so my son don’t see
that his mama’s heart barely beats
outro:
why can’t i be happy? even for a day?
why’s my peace always get ripped away?
i’m not okay, i just hide it well
this world feels more like a living h~ll
so if i vanish, just know i tried
i screamed for help, but no one replied
now i’m afraid of joy, afraid of trust
‘cause everything i love turns into dust
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