lirik lagu julien baker - happy to be here
if i could do what i want
i would become an electrician
i’d climb inside my ears
and i would rearrange the wires in my brain
a different me would be inhabiting this body
i’d have two cars, a garage, a job
and i would go to church on sunday
a diagram of faulty circuitry
explains how i was made
and now the engineer is listening
as i voice all my complaints
from an orchestra of shaking metal keeping me awake
i was just wondering if there’s any way that you made a mistake
because i miss you the way that i miss nicotine
if it makes me feel better, how bad could it be?
well i heard there’s a fix for everything
then why, then why, then why
then why not me?
the 1st of april saw the sickening repair
wore my best shirt to the clinic decorated with a laminate name
no one is laughing from an audience of folding plastic chairs
and i’m not fooled when you tell me that you’re glad i came
am i honest to admit or just a hypocrite?
i know i should be being optimistic but i’m doubtful i can change
grit my teeth and try to act deserving
when i know there is nowhere i can hide
from your humiliating grace
because if you swear that it’s true
then i have to believe
what i hear evangelicals say on tv
and if there’s enough left after everyone else
then why, then why, then why
why not me?
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