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lirik lagu jon & rohn - weezard rap battle

thirty years ago, this once peaceful land was thrown into darkness. a war had broken out between the great sages of these lands. and now, they fight each other, spitting flames so hot you’d think they were dragons from the hills of gronark. all in hopes of finding the end to this madness…

raining the great:
f~ckers try to battle me, can’t even cast a cantrip
hit em with a magic missile, leave em with a fat lip
im talking transfiguration, turn em into frogs type sh~t
mainly specialising in the slanging of herbs and potions like

little wizards stepping up just talking ’bout they damage spells
try talking something, put his ass deep like a wishing well
can’t talk to apprentices they love me so i wish em well
focus on this bag all this wizard gives a f~ck about

i won’t let him talk to me leave his ass wounded i’m casting 9th level sh~t (on god)
i leave his ass cooking right after ass whoopings i let em taste my wizardry (on god)
i’m f~cking with his girl, know i’m down if she bad, we’ll always let a witch get it (on god)
if i pull my wand know the goblins ’round me dropping dead instantly (on god)

jon the wise:
jon the wise, you know i’m dropping rhymes
i got a new prada robe, my wand strapped to the side
all my wizard homies dripped out, we all wearing capes
if you not here casting spells, you a f~cking fake

i sit on top of my tower watching and wishing
that you were with us cooking potions inside of my kitchen
but you were busy hanging with harlots and goblins
hit your ass with three different spells, that’s a clobbering
you know i got ties from hogwarts to mordor
i’m dropping spells that you haven’t ever seen before
you cannot battle me i know you cannot handle this
you’re soon to be known as the boy who didn’t live

ozzious the omniscient:
i walk by without warning on this misty day
as i weave my spells, my shadow casts
its going great
they hear the tinkle of my bell, then the curse will last
i know you think you stand a chance but it’s not witchcraft

i never talk, i only walk and i’ll keep spreading my magic
if you’re from hogwarts, you learned some sh~t wizard habits
when it comes to overpowered wizardry you could say i’m an addict
and you think i’m crazy now just wait till i’ve had it (f~ck broomsticks)

i ride the lightning passed all you witches
palpatine ‘s my biggest fan since he took all my pictures
wizard of ozz the way my city built off emeralds
magic man complaining about age but man i’ve been old

most people hate me since i won’t ever lend a shmeckle
my life as a wizard started down in shirley’s temple
how you gonna come try and battle when all you brought is a knife
to be a master of magic is to be a wizard4lyfe
tella the terrible:
witches and warlocks, they opps and they doors knock
expelliarmus, when i make your head pop
and they don’t step, my wizard
through the crypt we crept, my wizard
testing spells on deck, my wizard
make your maiden wet, my wizard
my wand got a switch, ahahahaha!

mario the magnificent:
as i walk through the road on this whimsical night
i have a my wand in my hand and it’s ready to light
so when i’m come for your coven better run and hide
my magics so bright it’ll make you lose your sight!!!!
i’m straight from koraban, world of the dark side!!
jon and rohn wizards coming and we’ll take your life!!!
drinking my potion will send you straight to the stars!
and my way there on my rocket ship i’ll play my guitar!
i pull up to the dungeon and i’m fighting all these demons
sith lord force lightning coming out like s~m~n!!!

i’m stranded! i’m stranded!!! in the middle of h~ll
fighting a demon woman named isabel!
i’m fighting my way through this as i’m looking for hades
and over take the underworld!!!! it’s all for my taking!!!
so that i can become god of the underworld !!!!
i don’t care! right doesn’t that sound absurd ???
but when i got to hades he fell, fumbled and curled!!!
i conquered him! and now i’m king of this dimension
theres a crown on my head as i rise to my ascension
and the birth of a new world will be my invention!
(i am hades and you k!lled me, but i will be back) aw sh~t!

retro:
twin wands, banana mana mags attatched
quiver on my shoulder, know i always keep it strapped
lobbing fireb~lls at gremlack and his brother gremlock

saw an opp caster, lacker, glock pop
wand’s hot, it’s a burner anyway
snapped it in half, i keep my real casters on my waist and they don’t play
they’ll light your ass ablaze
jon & rohn, those my wands, they enchanted to the base

shadrach the credible:
necromancy, i fancy a b~tch from the dead, no necrophelia
don’t know whatchu mean i’ll blast you to bits, i’m not feeling you
what do you mean f~ck broomsticks, yeah i be riding that
prophecy about the ancient texts yeah i be writing that (ahem)

communing with merlin over the palentir
never without my stick that’s why i hold no fear (rilapnave)
switch my flow like i switch you down like a death spell
these bones are old, you know (haha, f~ck!)

catch another spell caster, i’ll make sure he sees h~ll (f~ck the elves)
my maidens br~~sts so round, like arthur’s table
lancelot tried to take my amulet now he is a fable
i am trained with both a bow and a sword
f~ck your king, b~tch, i am your lord

brb wizard king:
biggest red beard, because i am the f~cking wizard king
wasting all your mana casting spells won’t do a f~cking thing
when i leave my tomb i’m always pestered by these dames
if you need a broom to fly then you are just a f~cking lame

cast his mom into a turkey now she wanna gobble
know this potion h~lla murky sip it out the bottle
robes i wear expensive, yes my sh~t is looking fancy
the function looking dead so i cast some necromancy

professor rohn:
(um, professor rohn?) yes, what is it wendel?
(i just wanted to remind you that your rap battle is due) oh, cr~p, it is…

(aha!) my spells go the farthest
i’ve been through time like i woke in a tardis (where am i?)
traveling through the valleys and the mountains
how old am i? i stop counting at a thousand (oh my!)

earth, wind, and fire like i’m bringing soul back
necromancy like i’m bringing souls back (it’s because i am!)
jon & rohn: a different genre every track
cartunes, you know every song slaps (wha~cha!)

on the radio we crank jon & rohn
put on burger shop for the world to sing along
because you know we smoking presidential in the rotation
if you ain’t talking cheese we don’t like you thats all i’m saying (theoretically)

i got rats in my books, i fight a monster a week
i rap like i’m cooking, just tell me what you need
we got bars, we got flows, we got all you can eat

(this sh~t was so f~cking stupid dawg, i can’t even believe this sh~t bruh oh my god)

- lirik lagu jon rohn

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