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lirik lagu jimlapbap - al-polka-lypse

[the weird al show theme]
oh, this is a polka ’bout a guy named al
and he lived in a sewer with his hamster pal
but the sanitation workers really didn’t approve
so he packed up his accordion and had to move
to a city in ohio where he lived in a tree
and he worked in a nasal decongestant factory
and he played on the company bowling team
and every single night he had a strange recurring dream
where he was wearing lederhosen in a vat of sour cream
but that’s really not important to the polka

[one more minute]
i guеss i might seem kind of bitter
you got me feelin’ down in the dumps
‘causе i’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love
and i have to use the self~service pumps

oh, so honey, let me help you with that suitcase
you ain’t gonna break my heart in two
’cause i’d rather get a hundred thousand paper cuts on my face
than spend one more minute with you

[uhf]
put down your remote control, throw out your tv guide
put away your jacket, there’s no need to go outside
don’t you know, that we control the horizontal
we control the vertical, too
we gonna make a couch potato out of you
that’s what we going to do now
don’t change the channel, don’t touch that dial
we got it all on uhf
kick off your sneakers, stick around for a while
we got it all on uhf
don’t worry ’bout your laundry, forget about your job
just crank up the volume, and yank off the kn~b
we got it all
(we got it all)
we got it all on uhf

[dare to be stupid]
let’s go. talk with your mouth full
bite the hand that feeds you
bite off more than you can chew
what can you do?
dare to be stupid
take some wooden nickels
look for mr. goodbar
get your mojo working now
i’ll show you how:
you can dare to be stupid
(dare to be) dare to be stupid
(dare to be) dare to be stupid. dare to be stupid

[let me be your hog]
let me be your hog
let me be your hog now
i said, baby, baby, baby
baby, baby, baby, baby
[this is the life]
i eat filet mignon seven times a day
my bathtub’s filled with perrier
what can i say?
this is the life (this is the life)
i buy a dozen cars when i’m in the mood
i hire somebody to chew my food
i’m an upwardly mobile dude
this is the life (this is the life)
this is the life

[biggest ball of twine in minnesota]
well, i had two weeks of vacation time coming
after working all year down at big roy’s heating and plumbing (plumbing, plumbing)
so one night when my family and i were gathered ’round the dinner table
i said, “kids
if you could go anywhere in this great big world now
where’d you like to go ta?”
they said, “dad we wanna see the biggest ball of twine in minnesota!”
they picked the biggest ball of twine in minnesota

[skipper dan]
i’m a tour guide on the jungle cruise ride
skipper dan is the name
and i’m doin’ 34 shows every day
and every time it’s the same
look at those hippos, they’re wigglin’ their ears
just like they’ve done for the last 50 years
now i’m laughin’ at my own jokes but i’m cryin’ inside
cause i’m workin’ on the jungle cruise ride
[yoda chant]
da din din da
da din din da
da din din da
da din din da
da din din da
da din din da
boom shaka laka boom shaka laka hey
boom shaka laka boom shaka laka hey
ori wa hakata ta ko to to kin
hasu kata tan koto to tai

[christmas at ground zero]
it’s christmas at ground zero
there’s music in the air
the sleigh bells are ringing, and the carolers are singing
while the air~raid sirens blare

it’s christmas at ground zero
the b~tton has been pressed
the radio just let us know
that this is not a test

everywhere the atom bombs are dropping
it’s the end of all humanity
no more time for last~minute shopping
it’s time to face your final destiny

’cause it’s christmas at ground zero
there’s panic in the crowd
we can dodge debris while we trim the tree
underneath the mushroom cloud

[harvey the wonder hamster]
harvey, harvey. harvey the wonder hamster
he doesn’t bite and he doesn’t squeal
he just runs around in his hamster wheel
harvey (harvey) harvey (harvey) harvey the wonder hamster, hey harvey

[hardware store]
i can’t wait, (no i) i can’t wait (oh when)
when are they gonna open up that door?
i’m goin’ (yes i’m) goin’, i’m a~goin’ to the
goin’ to the (hard) ware i’m goin’, really goin’ to the
goin’ (hard) i’m goin’ to the (hard) oh yes, i’m goin’ to

[albquerque]
albuquerque
albuquerque

[you don’t love anymore]
you know, i even think it’s kinda cute the way
you poison my coffee just a little each day
i still remember the way that you laughed
when you pushed me down the elevator shaft

oh, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s this poisonous cobra
doing in my underwear drawer?
sometimes i get to thinking you don’t love me anymore

[frank’s 2000″ tv]
frank’s 2000″ tv (frank’s 2000″ tv)
everybody come and see (frank’s 2000″ tv)
frank’s 2000″ tv (frank’s 2000″ tv)

[don’t download this song]
don’t download this song
the record store’s where you belong
go and buy the cd like you know that you should
oh, don’t download this song
hey hey

[since you’ve been gone]
[?] since you’ve been gone
well, i feel like i’ve been chewing on tinfoil
since you’ve been gone
it’s like i got a great big mouthful of cod liver oil
oh well, i’m feelin like i stuck my hand
inside a blender and turned it on
you know, i’ve been in a b~ttload of pain
since you’ve been gone

(since you’ve been gone)
i couldn’t feel any worse if you dropped
a two~ton bowling ball on my toes
(since you’ve been gone)
it couldn’t hurt any more if you shoved
a red~hot cactus up my nose

since you’ve been gone
well, it feels like i’m getting tet~n~s shots every day
since you’ve been gone
it’s like i’ve got an ice cream headache that won’t go away
ever since that day you left me
i’ve been so miserable, my dear
i feel almost as bad as i did
when you were still here
since you’ve been gone (since you’ve been gone, since, you’ve been gone since)
since you’ve been gone since you’ve been gone

al!

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