lirik lagu jasmine howard - dear trauma, fuck you
[verse 1]
yeah
the first time i felt something tender towards you, i couldn’t comprehend
till one night on a call you sent a text “i like you more than friends”
we said i love you and dreamt of spending our lives together
let you cry whenever, man i tried to fight the pressure
but how could i say “goodbye forever” when you bring me sunlight
even if some nights we brung knives to a gunfight
but hey, it’s one life, and it’s gotta bе vulnerable
and you’re pulling my soul to еuphoria, wish i could do more for ya
but some b~st~rd stuck a dagger in a deer
dragged ya around until you shattered into tears
i reassured you that it wasn’t your fault
but survivor’s guilt can twist words in the wake of assault
home can’t save you, but on the road to liberty, the light’s red
and i get that trying to speak up feels like a knife’s edge
but now our bond has reached a dead end
cuz you get upset when i mark errors like red pens
i can’t save my best friend even though i want to
and he’s one too, but his shame is crashing on you
this sh~t’s gone too far, i’m too frustrated
i f~cking hate to admit it but my trust faded
tried to hide it, but i was scared of being blindsided
and in hindsight, it makes me question “was i right~minded?”
i feel pressure to keep my modesty
but what is love if i’m holding back my honesty?
i gave my word to you, i needed you to promise me
it feels wrong to speak, but it makes trauma bonds complete
but dwelling on it only pushed you further
i felt the tension swelling, so i guess i won’t disturb ya
still it hurts me that we both couldn’t work this out
but at least the distance doesn’t take us further south
[verse 2]
yeah
and with my dad i’ve lost hope
i told him bout you and also the time that i got groped
and he acted like it wasn’t even concerning
sometimes i f~ckin’ hate men cuz my stomach is turning
and this is why i believe in chosen family
cuz once i transition, my folks might abandon me
can’t follow you on socials cuz it rips my scars open
still, my heart’s broken, like i’m drowning in a dark ocean
but when it came to music, you’d use it in times of silence
and that’s just one of many things i love about you
but now you want sp~ce, this is the closest to reaching out
ain’t gonna drop your name and i ain’t gonna let your secrets out
and if it’s safer, you can write to me on paper
you’ve got my address, you know i don’t wanna forsake ya
but i don’t wanna be proved wrong, so in case you’ve moved on
then don’t reach out again, and i’ll leave that as how this ends
cuz i’ve been hurt enough this year, i’ve been stuck in gears
and i must be near to getting lost in this flood of tears
just know i hope you achieve your dreams and live happily
and i’ma follow mine now that i’m crawling out my apathy
sometimes i wonder if my dreams are a sacrifice
for me to finally reunite with those attractive eyes
i guess the future we can never know
but know that if you come close again, i’m not letting go
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