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lirik lagu jardi j - the way i am

[jardi j]:

(afraid)

i sit cracked with this pad and a pen and a flask full of gin
it drags me back in, i collapse in the skin that i’m trapped in again
it’s passion or sin, every track that i spin is a battle i’m destined to never begin
i’m gaspin’ within, screamin’ loud in a vacuum, no crowd and no win
don’t approach me with handshakes, don’t fake like you’re kin
you ain’t fed me, you dead to me, parasite grin
i’m not billie, not queen nikki
i’m the nightmare you scribbled but tore from the dream within me

since birth i been cursed with this urge to just burst
with these words that i hurl like a curse at the earth
and it hurts, but it works, when i bleed through a verse
it’s the only way i purge all this grief and this dirt
so at least have the decency when you catch me in public
don’t crowd me, don’t clown me, don’t beg me for nothin’
i ain’t your photo op, autograph, puppet for free
you don’t own me, don’t know me—stop cornerin’ me

i ain’t ms popstar, i ain’t your barbie dream
i’m a motherf~ckin’ landmine, detonatin’ on scene
i can smile like i’m humble, i can scowl like i’m sick
but provoke me, approach me, you’ll get choked in an instant
i’m runnin’ on empty, my patience decayed
been betrayed, underpaid, and still slave to the stage
if you test me, i’ll press you, eject you in flames
leave you stretchin’ your neck just to scream out my name
i don’t care who records it, don’t care who complains
i’ll grin in the courtroom, confess with no shame
go sue me, go mock me, go tweet to your friends
but i’ll body your lawsuit, then buy me a benz
i don’t mean to be mean, but that’s all i can be
i ain’t molded for comfort, i was sculpted to bleed
so don’t ask me for favors, don’t tell me to change
i’m just raw, i’m just flawed, i’m just trapped in my rage

and i am whatever the f~ck you claim
if i wasn’t, then why would i wear that name?
in your blogs, in your posts, every day i
i’m framed
(ha) but the radio don’t dare to spin my flame
‘cause i am whatever the h~ll you paint
if i wasn’t, then why would i bear that weight?
in your headlines, gossip, all the same
(ha) i don’t care, that’s just the way i reign

sometimes i just feel like my mother, i hate to be bothered
with all of this chatter, this gossip, this slaughter
“oh, it’s her image, her outfit, her posture
her songs too explicit, her voice too much harder,”
and all of this drama just circles me
the blogs and the comments, they target me purposely
so i point one back at ‘em, not the index or ring
it’s the middle one, raised high, the bird with a sting
‘cause i don’t give a f~ck, i won’t sit and shut up
with the bullsh~t they pull, i’ve had more than enough
when a girl gets abused, or her body’s misused
they don’t blame the abuser, they blame what she grooves
they blame it on voice, on rap, on the bass
where the h~ll were the leaders to step in their place?
look where it’s at, this whole culture’s deranged
but they point at my bars like i’m the one to blame
now it’s headlines and hashtags, “a scandal, a sin,”
middle america gasps when they see my pen
but i’m glad, ‘cause they feed me the fuel i require
and it’s burnin’ my veins—i’m a motherf~ckin’ fire

i’m so sick and tired of not bein’ admired
wish i could rise, get hired, be fire
tryna find a label, forget all the fables
i can’t find my first hit, they just stack the tables
pigeon~holed into some pop~star illusion
spun on your stations, your playlists, your confusion
and i just don’t got the patience
for these industry snakes with fake congratulations
who act like i’m less ‘cause i talk my own way
or try to tell me how to move, what to say
they ask the same sh~t—where i’m from, who i am
the why, the what, the how, like a scripted exam
i’m pullin’ my hair out, feel like i’m losin’ my mind
trapped in my questions, your deadlines, your grind
i pace, i scream, i sit, then i stand
thankful for fans, but they don’t understand

can’t even sh~t in peace without someone outside
peepin’, pryin’, takin’ notes on my life
no, i won’t sign, no, i won’t comply
call me an assh0l~—i’ll just smile and reply

- lirik lagu jardi j

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