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lirik lagu j-formz - well, (interlude)

~~birds chirping, cars driving by, music playing low in background~~

j~formz:
in terms of my life bro, and kind of feeding off what we were just saying…if you made that decision where you made it to the nba, you played one year in the nba, you had the best rookie season anyone ever had and then you’re hearin all this sh~t all these people are sayin…you turn around, you go back to the park, you play 10 years in the park, you eventually realize (and these, these numbers are not accurate to my life…i’m trying to make it like a 20 year career is like a life)

chuckie:
uh~huh…

j~formz:
you, you play 10 years in the f~ckin, in the park…you do everything you’re supposed to do: you’re winning, you’re the best player, dominating everybody one on one, any doubts anybody: “oh, he’s not a good three point shooter…”; you f~ckin lead the league in the three pointers…you, you f~ckin pretty much do everything that you can possibly do…you realize after 10 years: this was pointless…i should’ve never came back here, i f~cked up, i’m not gaining anything from this, this is dumb, bla bla bla, right? if you’re then presented with an opportunity to go back to the nba that, that’s, that’s a great thing, right? and obviously that’s somethin to be grateful for…but at the same time (and i guess to a certain degree, this is like a, either a personality trait or maybe somethin that was formed over life or whatever the case is) but i’m kind of sittin there lookin at: this dudes been the most dominant player for the past seven years, this is the dude everybody’s talkin about, i’m in my 30’s now like i don’t have youth on my side anymore, i caught a horrific injury playin in this park that i don’t know, like if i’m ever gonna be the same player again…umm, i’ve kind of gotten out of the groove of that real team…you know what i mean? because some people, some people have tremendous sk!lls, but they’re not really great at that sport when you put them on a team, you know what i’m sayin?

chuckie:
right…

j~formz:
umm…maybe like, some of that diminished from bein a little bit more of an individual in, in the park or whatever, right? and everybody’s kinda sittin there just continuously sayin: “you’re back in the nba, this is amazing, you’re so lucky, you should be grateful, you have so much to be thankful for!” well, the thing is bro: my body and my life are back in the nba, but my mind is f~cked…because i’m havin a hard time accepting the fact that, basically for no reason at all, i just gave away 10 years of my career and i’m like: that was really f~ckin dumb…that was really f~ckin stupid, and you can’t get it back…now i’m not sayin that i’m not gonna…”ok, well…go train hard and make the last 10 years of your career the best you can…”…i get that…but i’m speakin in terms of self satisfaction, and happiness, and gratitude and sh~t…when you feel p~ssed at yourself that you did this, even when you’re in a different scenario, it’s still pretty hard to just…it’s kind of, kind of a similar example to like goin to war, right? if you decide: hey, i don’t know what i’m doin with my life, i got no direction, i’m gonna go join the military, whatever, right? and you randomly go, and a year after you join, your country goes to war, you get shipped out, you get your legs blown off…one day you wake up, you’re 40 years old, and you’re like: wow…i lost my legs at 21 and i never even lived a nromal life and i did this for no f~ckin reason really…like, i didn’t have to do this, i could’ve went and got any job…like, you’re saying you had no direction…you could’ve went any way you wanted in your f~ckin life, you know? but you had to go do this, or whatever, and you’re kind of stuck on this scenario…even if you mentally let it go or forgive yourself and you’re like: ok, listen…you were 20, you didn’t know what, what to do…maybe not the best choice (especially in hindsight) but if nothing would’ve happened to you, and you would’ve had a nice life after that where you were taken care of, you’d be happy with your decision and that’s not something you could’ve predicted so have a little grace for yourself…forgive yourself, you know what i’m sayin? but your legs ain’t comin back though bro, you know what i’m sayin?

chuckie:
yup

j~formz:
like, you’re gonna be i that wheelchair weather you forgive yourself or not, your legs are gone…

chuckie:
so, you just…it’s stupid, but, a: you gotta accept that, and i know that’s the hardest thing to do, like to actually sit there and accept that…and b: you need to just move on with life…and i don’t mean that like “oh, forget it, like…” but regardless, the outcome ain’t changing 10 years down the road, 20 years down the road…now, you need to deal with your consequences…but at 40, your actions still are based off of reactions in the past…well, you went to ware and your legs got blown off…so you still just have to deal with it and put your head down and go forward…it sucks…
j~formz:
well, here’s the thing…you keep saying “you have to deal with it”, what do you do when: you keep saying: “ok, you have no legs, you have to accept this, you have to move on…”, and, and you do in the sense that: ok, i got up, i made breakfast, whatever, right? like, but, you’re really not accepting of it to the point where…

chuckie:
i mean bro, like, i get what you’re saying…but you do have to accept that like: my legs are gone, i don’t understand why i made that decision, but, i still also need to do what i need to do…

j~formz:but if you’re colorblind so to speak, right? like if i’m showing you, you know, those weird pictures where they have different colors overlapping and it’s like: tell me what you see, right? if there’s a green and a pink thing, and there’s pink dots in the shape of a nine, and you’re looking at it, and you don’t see any pink dots…i could say to you all i want: “bro, there’s a number on the paper, you gotta tell me what it is like…” if you don’t see it, you don’t see it, you know what i’m saying?

chuckie:
i get it…

j~formz:
so it’s like: it, it’s, it’s that mental thing where…

chuckie:
you don’t ever have to get over that mental thing, but you do have to get going with life though, cause life ain’t gonna stop……

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