lirik lagu fukyou - critiques/suggestions to make this rap i wrote better?
yo so i wrote a little amateur rap and i’m sure it could be improved so i would like anybody with any recommendations of how i could change any part of it or add/take out parts to make it sound or flow better?
here it is:
“i’ve got the cash and the women, but something is missing
my mind is elsewhere while on my neck she be kissin
life’s p-ssin me by, but what’s the f-ckin point?
why do anything else besides chill on a joint?
there’s so many questions, but answers are scarce
tryna get to the top, but i keep falling down the stairs
tryna reach my full potential to understand existence
100 f-cking years and we barely leave an imprint
man, f-ck wasting time on the sh-t that you hate
we all gunna die that’s just cold hard fait
everyone you ever knew will one day expire
if you can’t accept that then you’re just feeding the fire
the same fire that eventually will take your life too
the inferno’s unstoppable, it’s sad, but it’s true
we all have a choice with this blessing of life
if the wrong path is chosen then the outcome is strife
soon enough you’ll be looking back on all of your years
if the wrong path is chosen, in your eye as you die there’ll be tears
i plan to be a satisfied, accomplished old man
do whatever makes you happy for as long as you can.”
so if you can think of any critiques let me know in the comment section. thanks
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