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lirik lagu fennicken - absent

[verse]

it was january 28th, another sunday i thought
mom had chicken in the air fryer, keepin it hot
was in my bedroom on my phone with the lights on
on my nintendo switch trying to keep warm inside
it’s 6:40 pm~ish, was just tryna stay awake for monday
yesterday was out with friends, that day was ponderus
then i heard yelling come from downstairs
my mom was yelling “len!” so terrifying in her voice
got confused, and a little scared, so i ran down the stairs
ran into the living room, my mom trying to wake my dad
sitting on the couch, his head tilt back, face all blue
his eyes rolled back, mother and me didn’t know what to do
held his hand, my dad making noises trying to breathe
tеlling daddy to wake up, looked like out of a horror scеne
“please dad, wake up, wake up.” he’s not talking, just grunts
mom had to do mouth~to~mouth with him, while calling 911
operator told my mom to rest my dad on the floor
mom trying to resuscitate my dad, it’s not working
minutes later, 2 police cars roll up, got them through
trying to save my dad, my dog neffi is going crazy and barking
had to fish neffi outside and lock her out, while she cried out herself
she probably thought friends were over, or to see my dad play
anyways, an ambulance rolls through the block
i let them in the house
opened the garage for them to go and make more convenient
next thing, sargent stevens comes as well, a good guy
me and his son played football before on the same team
he told me he heard what happened, and rushed over here
he’s dealt with his own family situations like this, in prior years
we talked for a little, i’m glad that he came over
he consulted my mom who was scared as h~ll for moreover
the officers and docs pushed the couch out the way
put a oxygen mask on him, struggling for his life
the night went on longer, and longer, and even longer
took my coat and walked out the door, my face flooded in tears
outside was 3 cop cars, and an ambulance with the lights still on
felt water drop on my coat, looked up and saw it was drizzling
cars passing by with people looking out at the living horror show
my neighbor harrison comes around the block, he heard all the ruckus
asked me if i was okay, and i told him yeah man, knowing my lying was clear
before he left, i hugged him tightly, then he went on his own way
i stay out for a moment, cops and doctors ~ walking in & out the house
what a nightmare it was, so many questions that are racing in my brain
scared for my dad, knowing for his entire life he had been swallowed in pain
shortly thereafter, harrison’s younger sister and dad comes and say “hey lennox”
in a sorrow manner, knowing what i was going through was a lot, best response i can get
i pace between outside and inside, sargent stevens praying with my mom
i peak and look with the doctors still trying to save daddy from his h~ll
i pace back outside, this time i’m stopped by a neighbor, wearing a lions hoodie, good guy
he lives a couple houses down, he’s related to the fisher’s, who live behind me
he’s there for me, i’m so d~mn scared i still wish i was living in yesterday’s moment
i go back inside, with it still drizzling a little rain, not too much, but set the mood
i call my aunts, then call my brothers, then call my sister, who’s watching the lions game
lions playing the 49ers, conference championship game, my dad was gonna watch it
i actually saw him earlier sitting, wish i was there, i blame myself for what happened
if i was there with him, however i only had plans to watch that game only later with him
sargents stevens calls me over for a minute, asking for my phone number, gave him my info
my mom is still scared, i go to my mom saying “dad will make it, i promise you” and she goes
“i don’t know if he will lennox,” i keep telling my mom, “he will, daddy will make it.”
what felt like a warping timeframe, they get the stretcher in the house, take him on it
felt like it was in slow motion, they carted my dad to the ambulance, the room all silent
the officers go to my mom, who’s crying and ask her if she’s stable to drive safely
in tears, she responds with “yes” and she can do it
she tells me to let neffi back in and, well, call my family
my dog neffi comes in and starts to l!ck the officers
who pet her, but not so long, it was only me and neffi in the house. they drive away, i already called my family
they responded, saying they’ll come over
i go and walk around the house, scared
crying in an empty living room
my 2nd oldest brother comes to the house
i embrace him with a hug
he goes and turns the tv back on
to the lions and 49ers game that’s now on
my heart hurts so much i can’t even watch that now
i go and call other family members before going to a desk
i open up the laptop, and
replay eminem’s rock bottom demo over and over
it truly felt like i landed in rock bottom, not a safe landing
~ cause i didn’t expect this, i knew my dad was sick
but didn’t expect this. my brother gets a call
i hear him in tears, the worst nightmare came true to our fears
i go over to see him, he’s crying ~ hand in his face
and gets off from the phone
that was my mom, dad had passed away
i hug him crying, worst reality came so true
we immediately get our belongings
and head to beaumount hospital, where they were at
we went to the hospital
we see my mom, aunt and my dad’s sister with her boyfriend as well
i go to the hospital’s bathroom, can’t contemplate
how this can really be reality
eventually, my sister and her boyfriend comes
then my oldest brother comes, then my aunt and my cousin come
all in the room along with a nice lady who’s comforting us
we then our led to a room, my dad’s room
there he is, laying in the bed, not moving
his eyes looking up, just staying there
my family cries, and i go to a corner to be by myself
my aunt comes and slowly rubs my back
the room was gloomy, and i couldn’t take any more of it
we’re there for a solid 30 minutes
next thing ya’know, we’re headed back to my house
i play tupac’s do for love in my brother’s car
not thinking this is real. we watch the rest of the game
i couldn’t watch with a straight face, my mom is upstairs
and my brain feels deflated
i couldn’t even eat the chicken
nor anything, i was so numb and didn’t know how to feel
had a hard time sleeping later that night as well for real
eventually, after closing my bedroom door
i go to bed, and rest my laurels for the worst night of my life
i wake up in the middle of the night, with my bedroom door open, possibly a sign my dad was still here with me
but knowing he was gone was all i know
that he would be absent for the rest of my life
and he’s back with god, and that’s all i know
i love you dad

- lirik lagu fennicken

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