lirik lagu fatmowf - caroline
[intro]
oh great, another four count
okay
[verse 1: fatmowf]
once upon a time, there was a—wait, this story’s real
and i don’t like to talk about it ’cause the way it makes me feel
because when i talk about it, i start thinking about myself
and if you’ve heard “huckleberry,” you know that’s not the best idea
cause i could go on and on and write another drama song
and ruin my appetite as fast as f~cking ramadan
but imma try something new inside these notes i’m jotting on
instead of wallowing, imma talk about this phenomenon
it’s called a rainbow child, yeah, i’m sure you’ve heard of it
but if you havеn’t, this ain’t just a song, you also learning sh~t
we all know what a rainbow is, hopefully
aftеr it rains, there’s colors in the sky where all the birdies be
they’re really pretty, and they make up for the fact
the day before, you couldn’t go to the beach to lay and relax
’cause it was pouring and raining, the sky was gloomy and sad
you couldn’t watch the sunrise ’cause the weather was overcast
but a rainbow means much more than that, it shows up to remind us
sh~tty days are like a coin, there’s beauty on the other side
cause bad things happen, but good things can happen too
and good things are all polite, they tell the bad ones, “after you”
and you probably thinking, “finn, well, what’s that gotta do with you?
you aren’t red, orange, yellow, green, purple, or blue”
and i’m probably out of order, but imma share with you a truth
cause i was born with a struggle back in 2002
cause three years prior, that makes 1999
my parents had a baby girl, and that girl’s name was caroline
they bought her all these clothes, spending money and time
they fell in love with caroline ‘fore she even entered their lives
and caroline was working and also spending her time
growing strong inside the womb, for months—nine, just to be precise
so january ’99, the third, it was a sunday night
the doctors screamed, “push!” and out she came with pretty, giant eyes
my mama probably cried, my dad was right there by her side
after she stopped her crying, they determined that she was healthy~sized
and everything was fine on both her and mama’s vital signs
they kept them for a while to make sure no disaster might arise
“hi, caroline! welcome to the world!
you’re gonna grow up to be smart, talented, and a pretty girl!”
she vowed to raise her well, give her the life that she deserved
she was the final child for them, and that would make that girl the third
remember that, by the way, but anyways
my parents wanted three, and that third child was she
the doctors made sure she was clean
they had to make sure she could eat
they had to do a bunch of stuff, they had to check a bunch of things
and i don’t know the details really after that
all i know is the aftermath
i don’t know how to say it, so imma have to bring the pattern back
if i said the details, then i’d most likely be lying
all i know is a few days later, caroline got sick and died
godd~mn
[break]
sh~t, godd~mn
godd~mn
sh~t, godd~mn
[verse 2: fatmowf]
so a few years later, the world was introduced to finn
and if you’re listening to this record, then you might have heard of him
no more beating around the bush and all this third~person sh~t
’cause it’s a sh~tty situation my family’s been burdened with
’cause my mama lost a child, my daddy lost a child
my siblings lost a sibling, but then a new one came around
my deeply saddened parents had a new reason to smile
but that’s a h~ll of a lot of pressure ’cause i knew i had to amount
to something—to what degree? i don’t know, but it’s true
that pressure follows me around in everything i do
in all my insecurities and things that i pursue
because i’m child number three, but child three, number two
born here with an asterisk, i never f~cking asked for this
to be a human bandage and only be here to patch up sh~t
i blame myself when the demotivation hits
because no matter what i do, i think, “she really died for this?”
maybe she’d be successful
maybe she’d be more careful
maybe if she were here, my parents’ life would be less stressful
of course, they’ll always miss her, i mean, c’mon, she’s their daughter
but i wonder if they wonder if caroline would’ve been smarter
i wonder if they wonder if caroline would have worked harder
i wonder if she were my age, if caroline would have been farther ahead
but that’s speculation, that leads to devastation
the what~ifs running all throughout my head, i couldn’t take it
they’re so irrational i couldn’t give an explanation
what if my parents regret their second~attempt creation
is my existence really a good enough compensation?
but i would never ask them, that’s a heavy conversation
and every january, mama grieves her loss
which is valid, and it’s special, it just means she ain’t forgot
’cause if i died as a child, sh~t, i would hope she’d do the same
so with that in mind, why does it hurt when mama says her name?
why do i feel so hurt inside the start of every year
when mom is grieving losing a child, and she happens to shed a tear?
and when i comfort her, i wonder why it feels so insincere
but the truth is, if caroline lived, then i wouldn’t be here
god d~mn, that f~cking hurts, god d~mn, i’m f~cking selfish
god d~mn, what is my problem? i have no right to be jealous
of a f~cking child who never got the chance to develop
so i hold it all inside, but it expands and starts to swell up
so everything’s a trigger, anything could detonate me
for example, i get jealous when my homies get to dating
it’s pathetic, when they do, i honestly start feeling threatened
why the f~ck this n~gga take so long to reply to my message?
why the f~ck do i exist to help them when they in distress? and
why do they all drop me when they don’t need me, like in a second?
but i look inside the mirror and see the truth in the reflection
it’s not their fault i’m hurt, i’m just sick of coming in second
godd~mn
[break]
sh~t, godd~mn
godd~mn
godd~mn
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