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lirik lagu enno johan - life after the bonfire

[verse]
(honestly)
i wasn’t sure what it was that i was (i thought i was safe)
getting myself into, i was (i thought i found something solid, y’know)
young and blind and dumb (when someone tells you you’re special every day, you start to believe them)
(even if part of you knows better)
and in love, regrettably
(i ignored the warning signs)
and you were (because i wanted it to be real)
too simple
(i wanted to be loved)

[verse]
(and what did it feel like when it… when it started to fall apart?)
we almost madе it (like watching a house burn down after spеnding months)
past high school (building it by hand)
we almost were through (we almost made it out)
(that’s what keeps echoing in my head ~ almost)
in that time i thought you were (and i really did think they were the one)
sublime (until i realised)
and in that time i thought i was alright
(i was just one of many)

[chorus]
(the phrase paper kingdom comes up a lot. what does that mean to you now?)
but paper kingdoms aren’t built to last (it means it looked beautiful from the outside)
(it had structure. it had colour)
and all our hearts are made of glass
(but it wasn’t built to hold anything real)
fear of finding out
(it collapsed the moment it had to carry weight)
don’t you say it
(i was living in someone else’s illusion)
come on, spit it out
[verse]
(do you blame them?)
sometimes i wish i was worth (i dunno)
enough to keep around (sometimes i do)
(sometimes i blame myself)
sometimes i wish i was worth enough to love (most days i just wish i’d left sooner)
(i kept trying)
but all of this wondering makes me think (to be enough for someone who only loved)
i might regret the time i spent (the idea of me, if~if that makes sense)
putting in the love
(i’m sure someone’ll get it)

[chorus]
(you talk about novocaine and drugs… is that how you coped?)
but paper kingdoms aren’t built to last (not literally. it’s a metaphor ~ mostly.)
(i just got tired of)
and all our hearts are made of glass (feeling everything all the time, yknow)
(you start looking for ways)
so feed me your novocaine (to quiet the ache, to… feel less)
and feed me your drugs (or at least)
this pain, this heartbreak, is never enough (feel something different)

[outro (calm)]
maybe i spent too long wondering
what would have happened if i
tried harder or maybe cared less
maybe the goal wasn’t to find something to hold forever
but to find a reason to love myself despite everything
(do you think you’ve healed?)
and this song doesn’t rhyme
(no)
and it doesn’t have to
(but i think i’ve started forgiving myself)
because it means something to me (maybe that’s all i ever needed)
(not them)
and you’re not special (not closure)
(just…)
and i’m not either
(the only way i can think)
so let’s just pack up and go home (to say it is)
(i just needed sp~ce to breathe)

- lirik lagu enno johan

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