lirik lagu chino xl - blue obsidian (been telling you)
[verse 1]
my knees loaded with splinters
after i’m pushed down in a
cold, dark closet
screamin’ and kickin’
then expected to accept religion
reelin’ timid, real intimate
i became with bein’ aware of my hyperventillated breathin’ pattern, was skittish
angry, scared, bleedin’ from my own tongue that was bitten
yellin’, “please let me out!”, at six years old i ain’t know what i did to deserve this kind of infliction
every adult that i told this was occurrin’, nelly, sally, a fellow mute witness
i’m the highest risk of sеlf~harm according to most kid statistics
how could i not produce some sorta kinda mental illnеss?
silently sufferin’ in endless, pitch black, dark, cold, total stillness
the ho~rs~ voice from screamin’
the ripped fingernails from clawin’
the starvation, sitting in my own p~ss
i was six years old, man, like, for real, how the f~ck was this allowed to happen?
i’ve developed other personalities in that claustrophobic sp~ce
thank god i’ve found writing as a mental distraction
i plan to buy that house in plainfield where my childhood was fractured
demolish it, maybe the demons’ll vanquish and i feel healed in some fraction
but i doubt it
[bridge 1]
i’m down on my knees in silent prayer
in a cemetery in new jersey that i used to call home
(it’s crazy)
i ain’t even felt alive at that time
(no, not at all)
repeatedly made myself bleed and all of it’s gory
(all of the angels saw me, saw me)
droplets ?all are? on an unmarked grave in the starshine
the pain was nothing but a gift of time
tears spillin’ until i had none, it left me
hopeless, left me blind
[verse 2]
the weapons that were formed against me
i felt them, felt them
weed and helter~skelter
i was a ~silent art child~ without food and shelter
is this the existence i was meant for?
it drove me mental
which drives me to the question:
why did he put his hands on me? somebody tell me, tell me, tell me
why was i considered normal? somebody tell me, tell me, tell me
why wasn’t i worth my mama helpin’, helpin’, helpin’
that conversation goes ignored even to this day
the scars still remain and i’m broken and the pain won’t go away (nah!)
not even for one day (nah!)
maybe some time some way there’ll be a (i pray)
winged angel to hold me
somebody for me
i wish i loved me, i was told i deserved this
i was told that i was worthless (don’t give up!)
[chorus 1]
i’m in this darkness, i’ve been telling you
i’m in this darkness, i’ve been telling you
i’m in this darkness, i’ve been telling you (you got this)
darkness, been telling you
(won’t you give up, my n~gga, you got this)
[verse 3]
you can’t heal if you keep pretendin’ nothin’ is wrong
i’m extending my strength to you when you’re all alone
in your room while you’re listening to this song
i’m there for you, i swear to you
understand how much long sleeves hide
when your skin is bruised all the way to the bone
broken wings no child is prepared for
you can’t walk a mile in my little shoes, motherf~cker, i was barefoot
vertically slit wrist bleedin’ all over the toweled bathroom
at 8 years old, the paramedics were baffled
it takes a lot to walk with what i walk with
i would always be a little withdrawn and socially awkward
she let her friend musette lock me in the closet
god, are there any other colors for me than darkness?
god, are there any other colors for me than darkness?
god, are there any other colors for me?
god, are there any other colors for me?
[chorus 2]
don’t give up
you’re gonna make it out
don’t give up
[chorus 1]
i’m in this darkness, i’ve been telling you
i’m in this darkness, i’ve been telling you
i’m in this darkness, i’ve been telling you
if you’re in the darkness, i’m next to you
[bridge 2]
you’re never alone
fingerprints left on obsidian stone
a tear for the tearless
let’s have a round of applause for the realest
i’m in the darkness, im telling you
learn from me and the h~ll that i’ve been through
i’m right next to you
[chorus 2]
don’t give up
you’re gonna make it out
don’t give up
you’re gonna make it out
don’t give up
one more day
one more day
[outro]
~screaming~
somebody help
no, please, let me out, please
let me out, i’m done
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