
lirik lagu chi therealist - leonnia [extended version]
hey
sometimes i get upset, people believe in me too much
feel like it’s pressure and a reason for me to keep going when it’s tough
lately, every day been tough
i’ve hardly had the time to breathe
i fell in love and lost my heart
in the same year… i’m tryna grieve
i got a team
and they believe
but am i selfish cuz i don’t
they encourage mе keep fighting
am i helpless if i won’t
i been tryna not to drink
i’ve been tryin not to smokе
cuz i’m afraid i’ll be dependent
on a vice to help me cope
i wanna jump inside that casket
i wanna hold my mama close
sometimes i sit inside her house alone and try to feel her ghost
but that’s not my gift, so i just sit
looking stupid
leaking tears
cuz how arrogant was i to think i’d have a few more years
a lil more time to take you shopping ma
more time to buy you gifts
more time to get that house i promised
and finally take some pics
cuz i know you always hated pictures but i got you to submit
cuz you so gorgeous it’s important to let the world know you exist
i’m glad i gave you one last kiss, if i would known i’d given twenty
you always said you wanted rest… and now you gone and you got plenty
and it hurts
hard to smile when i feel awful inside
imagine being afraid to lose someone
and then watching them die
keep it goin
keep it goin
and it hurts
hard to smile when i feel awful inside
imagine being afraid to lose someone
and then watching them die
verse two
another attempt with the pen to vent again
and channel this hurt through
i haven’t prayed in some days and it shames me to say
that i ain’t been to church to
i opened the page ventilation my virtue
but am i saiyan enough? or am i just hercule
i relive the day, the pain, the sight of her laying… the panic immense
paramedics there pumping her chest while i stress
knowing this is the end
paralytic i stand in cement
turning my trembling hands into fist
dammit, i can’t even vent
admitting that losing my grandma is a cannon event
i got down to hold her until her body got colder
her face getting stiff is a feeling i never got over
i only thought of rigor mortis as a song by kenny lamar
now i experience it while my grandma is gone
wasn’t ready to come home and i told her
f~ck
i’m f~ckin heartbroken
like why the f~ck i let them people cut yo heart open
tell me how do you heal
how do you deal
how do you start coping
try to swallow the pain and then i start choking
my brains become a dark ocean
i was told to take a break from writing this and recap how i feel
never unpacked it
i just stayed distracted from the real
the fact that i’m even writing’s giving chills
but taking a break from work won’t give me a break from bills
and what’s ill is that
people always tellin me that my realest raps are when i’m healing
poetry my penicillin
off the top i pen a ceiling
it’s just hard to think i felt on top of the world a day before…
now my world feel like it ain’t sh~t without you in it
pardon my speech, as i’m writing this i’m starting to weep
now i’m reminiscing watching you sleep
did a deal with god i guess offered you peace
i’ll fight for you because you fought hard for me
and i’ll never leave u
i’ll never leave u
i’ll never leave u
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