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lirik lagu chase bluck - suicide

okay, here i go
staring at my food but i cannot eat it
laying in my bed but i am not sleeping
trapped in my room and keep it top secret
because people tell me they care but they do not mean it
i’m cut open even though i’m not bleeding
my heart’s broken so i’m making it stop beating
someone runs in the room and screams, “he’s not breathing!”
i rush to the hospital to have a dog treated
but he cannot beat it. there’s no time at all
because i just popped some pills with somе tylenol
and three parts of intense dеpression in the same
brubbocker. 40 ounces got k!lled
i didn’t puke up anything. there’s no pumping my stomach
because they’ll just do it again
i mean, lost cause, just f~ck it. everyone with it
just told me, it’s gonna lie with this
the smiles on their faces when my death cause public
because i’m k!lling myself
taking matters into my own hands
i can’t picture myself as a grown man
i don’t want to grow up. i hate change in everything
i just so rearranged
my life is nothing but a disaster
and this time keeps going by faster
but in the second, all that sh~t, it won’t matter
but this, i will k!ll myself
i act happier, but i want to die
i’m not going to lie
thoughts of suicide keep crossing my mind
on the regular basis, going crazy
because i’m going to put it on regular places
look at me, see the face, i’m sick in my eyes
because i’m sick in the mind
i’ve been wishing to die ever since i was nine
this isn’t a lie. i don’t b~tch just to whine
oh, it’s bullsh~t just to rhyme about it
i don’t cry just to spit, just to try to quit
because i just give two sh~ts about your pity
i ain’t trying to get even, everyone to feel bad for me
i’d rather diss everyone and make y’all mad at me
i ain’t a happy person, and i ain’t that nice
but people don’t understand how much i hate my life
just if they did, they’d know how hard i hate my life
how much i hate my life, just if they did, they’d know
how bad i wanted to take this knife and be k!lling myself

taking matters into my own hands
i can’t picture myself as a grown man
i don’t want to grow up, and i hate change
everything’s just so rearranged
my life’s nothing but a disaster
and time keeps going faster
but in the second, all that sh~t won’t matter
f~ck this, i k!ll myself
i quit, i’m bailing, i’m done, i finally give up
i’m sick of falling, i’m done trying to live up
to the expectations everyone had set for me
trying to explain to myself, always questioning my destination
no more relationships, my friends are all dead to me
my head is aching, and i don’t have any energy
i’m patiently waiting for the day that i can rest in peace
and the distance meditation is the reason that i don’t get no sleep
i ain’t worth taking, so i just take some ecstasy

then hear my friends say, “you are a r~t~rded f~ck up.”
maybe it’ll make you r~t~rds shut up
because i only do it once in a while
at times when i forget how to f~cking smile
i hate being little when you act like you’re looking out for me
if you were looking out for me, then you’d ever think about me

k!lling myself, taking matters into my own hands
i can’t picture myself as a grown man
i don’t want to grow up. i hate myself
i hate change and everything’s just so arranged
my life’s nothing but a disaster
and time keeps going by faster
but in the second, all that sh~t won’t matter
f~ck it, f~ck this, i k!ll myself
when the time comes, i’ll be crying then
i ever have to get a hold of myself
call me, call all my friends, and say goodbye to them
then get high, and then call all my friends again
and say goodbye again, and try again
stop trying to smile, find a pain right now
still trying, smile, find a pin
write down some last words, somebody will find them
when i’m in heaven, looking down on them
or who knows, the way sh~t’s been going, maybe in h~ll, looking at them
but either way, i’m watching much, i’m waiting for the reaction
suddenly, someone walks in. wait, they ain’t laughing
they read the red end, start crying
they actually do try, do care
i’m shocked. i can’t believe that they are sad that i ain’t there
they miss me. man, what a horrible mistake i made
and i can’t take it back, it’s way too late

if only i could relive my life, i’d remake this song
we’d write the hook and it would be like, “life’s sh~t, but i’m taking matters into my own hands.”
i can picture myself as a grown man
i want to grow up, and can deal with change
even if everything gets rearranged
maybe my life’s a disaster
but in time, it keeps going by faster
but now i can see all that sh~t don’t matter
f~ck that, i’m living my life

- lirik lagu chase bluck

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