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lirik lagu carson shmyr - nineteen

i guess that i had a dream
when i was older it would all be simpler and there wouldn’t be so many words written in between the lines of life i’d be able to read and comprehend them with ease
so i bundled myself away from my problems and packed them as a present for future me
half expecting the world to release me from the vicious grip that i had woven into a net to catch me
only to fall flat on my facе as the strings that held me up fеll out beneath me
and as they did there was no one to pick me up and brush the dirt off my collar
because i asked them all to leave me and i guess i was naive to believe that prospect of thought can eliminate the need to find the remedy
even if the problem hasn’t happened yet
because trust me it comes
and when it does
the world doesn’t offer up a you owe me
it takes and it takes and it takes and it replaces every memory
so now i’m nineteen and instead of living for the moment i’m living just to breathe and to hold my hands and to ask the world to see me
and every word i write
and every manifesto that’s frantic compilation keeps me up at night
there’s a piece of me that’s begging to be freed
i go to unlock the door to let it out
i’ve somehow lost the key
despite the fact i never left the jail cell
he stabs me while i sleep
like an unkept promise nagging at my brain
the truth is buried deep within me
i’m not okay
i’m not okay
i’m not okay with the leaks in the home i built around me
i’m not okay that the mask i placed is starting to bleed
and i need something to remind me
that it’s okay to not be okay every moment of every day
because lately perfection has been the only way that i can find solace in my misforgivings and cauterize the wounds inside my brain
i lay and wait for the moment of my escape
i’m not okay

- lirik lagu carson shmyr

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