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lirik lagu calenraps - wrong state of mind

[verse 1]
been reminiscing on the family gatherings
never appreciated the time i was having while i was having it
didn’t show gratitude til i looked back at it
had happiness, now don’t even have half of it
tragedy happened quick
auntie got cancer, i wish i could help her battle it
but i don’t have have enough to offer anything extravagant
check my bank account and it’s as empty as my cabinets
i know i’m the catalyst when everything negative
asking god for the same blessings gets rеpetitive
even whеn i’m on tour stressing in connecticut
can’t move my heart forward unless i get a sedative
settled in my bloodstream
loss of my connections got me questioning what love means
ever since recess i haven’t seen a upswing
even though i’ve passed every test but a drug screen
ain’t no way this life fair but i’m saying my prayers
running straight at my fears
cuz i’m way too familiar with the taste of my tears
to be thinking somebody gon’ save us round here
life ain’t never do us any favors i swear
remember picking up the phone, universal on the line
i was thinking i was on, it still hurts me everytime
looking back at it
having high hopes, always been a bad habit
i been meaning to break
so faded can’t tell if i’m asleep or awake
when everyday a nightmare that’s a easy mistake
remember thinking death sounded like the sweetest escape
but that was just a mindset, i let my demons create
had to break free like i got the key to the gate
n~ggas hate me, that’s okay ’cause we can relate
never looked in mirror like what i’m seeing is great
just another thing i need to embrace
[chorus]
deserve it but never shine
this nothing but the last bit of courage i could find
even when it’s perfectly aligned
it’s right place wrong state of mind
the hardest part is, the hardest part’s trying
when you thought they had your back but n0body got a spine
pops called and i promised i was fine
i wonder if he caught that i was lying

[verse 2]
and i been missing when the vibe felt different
never appreciated the life i was living while i was living it
if i showed anything, i just showed bitterness
reminiscing on it make me feel so ignorant
rissa still sick and sh~t if i had a wish, then i would get rid of it
but i don’t have enough to offer anything significant
check my bank account and it’s resembling my emptiness
and i been seeking fulfillment since back when we was school children
with the squad, sh~t j could’ve went abroad
i had to realize my mental is a gift from god
now i really feel like i can lift the odds
for all my fam, til it’s in our favor
bro called me in a jam, i’ll hit him back later
way gamble with my life, you’d think i went to the raiders
spend my time like i’m spending my paper
and waste it on the wrong things
lying to myself claiming that i’m gon’ change
it’s a long shot and i ain’t good from long range
tryna smell the flowers that haven’t even came
it’s about how it’s framed

- lirik lagu calenraps

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