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lirik lagu boyinaband - i'm not dead

i’m not dead
i’m not fixed, but i’m not giving up yet
i’m sick of saying that i still don’t have anything done

i hate telling friends i’m trying something just to give it up

i’m still unsure of my emotional state
i’m still incapable of focusing lately
i don’t feel like creating
i’m tired of asking google how to find motivation
i don’t think i’ve ever made something that’s as good as i’m capable of

i hate not having a reason to look my best
i only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet
if what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then
i am so so glad that i hated myself

i didn’t luck into this position
i struggle with decisions
i wouldn’t be my own friend, i’m too inconsistent
without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished
if these words make it to your ears it’ll be a f-cking miracle.

i’m fortunate to know more good people than most do
i wish i had more friends i could be physically close to
i’m pretty good at like 20 different skill sets
at the expense of never being great at any one of them

i wish this beat hit harder
i wish more syllables rhymed
i know 99 percent of people really don’t mind
i think collaborating forced me to finish things ‘cause
i was terrified of wasting famous people’s time

i wish i could focus on what i define priority
i wish i was as grateful as i want to be
i wish i knew more people who were mentally stable
but if i did, i wouldn’t let them waste their time on me while i’m disabled

i feel alone
i know i’m not
i used to talk to lots of people. lately i’ve stopped
they didn’t deserve it, i’ve been a terrible friend.
i couldn’t bear to let myself become boring to them

i don’t let myself get my hopes up. i love people who do.
ah, i never know if what i say i feel is the truth
i wish i didn’t instinctively try to be less specific

i can be happy in the moment
i am not when i reflect
i distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better
i hate it

i wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt
but i’ve gotta put on my own oxygen mask first

i can’t predict what i’ll do. i can never be sure
i am terrified of making promises any more
i can’t face my work, i feel sick from the word
i genuinely believe i’m capable of changing the world

i still think i can get better
i still think i can create and get pleasure from it
i’ll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree
and become the best version of me

i don’t want to stop

- lirik lagu boyinaband

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