lirik lagu ben bagley - locker room
[part i: alla marcia, un poco pesante]
[verse 1]
what is the great invention of the era
where every man can go and be a man?
and where your wife can call but you don’t hear~a?
that’s the locker room!
[verse 2]
when as a father you’re a bl~~dy failure
when you’re ignored as leader of the clan
where can you come and still have people hail ya?
to the locker room!
[bridge]
here you can be once again
the mightiest man of modern men
and here is the simple reason why
all you have to do is lie (isn’t it easy?)
[verse 3]
where can you walk around without your clothes on
and not have people stare at you in gloom?
so gather ’round, my friends, and see what goes on
in the locker room, the locker room!
[bridge]
at love he is one colossal yawn
a bank account that is overdrawn
but here he is one romantic guy
and all he has to do is lie (what could be simpler?)
[verse 4]
when as a caveman you are caving over
and as a lover you are out of bloom
where can you come and be a casanova?
to the locker room, the locker room!
[part ii: fandango]
[verse 1]
we’re the s~xiest men you can find
but all of it’s here in the mind
with our own wedded mate, our average is nought
but boy, are we great with women we’ve bought!
we’re the s~xiest men women know
we pay them to act like it’s so
[verse 2]
then after our bragging and such
we long for the punishing touch
of that master of blood and gore
the masseur
[part iii: allegro non troppo]
[verse 1]
where the manubrium and gladiolus meet and form a junction
i insert my knotty knuckles ’til the junction doesn’t function
then i turn to his lymphatic glands and squeeze ’em all like h~ll!
ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho, this is swell!
[verse 2]
then i tear a pair of ligaments to keep them all from kinking
and i shove his floating kidney ’til the kidney starts in sinking
then i thumb his old umbilicus and batter up his spleen!
ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho, this is keen!
[bridge]
ah, look at all these vertebrae
ah, this’ll be a holiday
here i go up on his spine
ho ho ho ho ho ho
i’m glad it isn’t mine
ho ho ho ho, ho ho ho ho!
[verse 3]
first i crack his sacroiliac until he is sciatic
then i cl!ck a pair of clavicles to make him more rheumatic
then i pound him and i pull and and i yank him and i jerk!
ho ho ho ho, ho ho ho ho
ho ho ho ho ho ho ho, how i love my work!
[part iv: fandango reprise]
[verse]
we’re the s~xiest men on the walk
but all of it’s here in our talk
we are second to none in verbal amour
and, boy, is it fun to be immature
we’re the s~xiest men to be had
and if you believe it, you’re mad
and if you believe it, you’re mad!
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