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lirik lagu arne åsmund - storytime (remastered)

i got off work earlier today
decided to walk home, whistling all the way
down our street through our front gate
something was not right

whose shoes are these? they don’t smell like mine
and whose jacket is this? someone’s been dressing up real fine

i looked around for my wife
she’s usually outside when the weather’s this nice
but the garden lay silent as a mouse
so i wandered back into the house
whose pants arе these? they arе not my size
and these aren’t my car keys. even though they look really nice

then i heard noises from upstairs
sounded like my wife was playing basketball
i thought it was an odd thing to do in our bedroom
so i decided to go check it out

whose boxers are these? i really don’t understand
because i’m pretty sure these batman boxers aren’t mine
could they belong to another man?

upstairs i meet my best friend bob
standing naked in the hall
behind him i could see my wife lying naked on the bed
seems they haven’t been playing basketball at all

bob what’s going on? i’ve known you my whole life
still when i’m gone, you’re here pretending to play basketball with my wife
oh bob you better run, or i’m gonna hurt you real bad
because i do not find this fun
and deep down inside me i am actually really mad

bob jumped from the balcony
hit a rock, and broke his leg
which gave me plenty good time, to get the shovel from the garden shed
and with the shovel
i hit bob in the head until i was pretty sure he had to be dead
did not feel neither remorse nor pain, as i painted the ground with pieces of his brain
when i felt that sting in my back
i never could have guessed my wife just hit me with an axe
she obviously cared more for bob than me, i assumed as my body fell to my feet

she started dragging bob towards the car
i screamed, you dumb sl~t didn’t you notice his scar?
there ain’t nothing where his head’s supposed to be
i’m not sure you can fix that with surgery
she started crying i laughed and said;
“jesus, you ought to get the vacuum cleaner to get up all the pieces.”
they disappeared, i spat bob in the face
which was easy because it was lying all over the place

- lirik lagu arne asmund

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