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lirik lagu aqua teen hunger force - twas the night before jesus

[master shake]
in the town of nazarene, an angel hath appeared to mary and joseph, and told them of the birth of a child. and he shall be the son of god. and lo, joseph said, “hey man, whatever man,” ’cause he knew that god controlled thunder and disease, like cancer and herpes

so joseph and mary rode a donkey into the hills of galilee to bethlehem so she could give birth in a barn, because that makes sense to hippies who don’t wash, and think’s it’s alright to lay in straw and sit next to goats. it ain’t

and lo, the son of god was born on that day, and the angels knew it was so, because the baby already looked godly with the long gray beard, which babies don’t have. also, the baby could probably shoot laser beams from his diaper. i’m not saying that happened, but lo, i’m not saying it didn’t happen. but it probably happened

and his parents were k!lled by voldemort, and he knew he had to go to wizard college

[frylock]
hey

[master shake]
and they all joined a crazy race called the cannonball run

[frylock]
wait, wait, this story is important, shake

[master shake]
i know

[frylock]
so don’t mess it up, okay?

[master shake]
i’m just setting the scene! i’m building the characters!
and lo, far away in the east, the four wis~m~n saw a new star shining high in the sky! “what could it be? a ufo?” “maybe it’s just a weather balloon.” “let me look at it, charlie. wow! why it’s rudolph, the red~nosed rei~

[frylock]
rudolph ain’t in this story! stop making up stuff

[master shake]
fine. i’ll go back to your stupid, boring version that n0body cares about

and then the wis~m~n came bearing gifts of gold, and frankincense, and myrrh. because the king of the jews apparently was not registered anywhere, and they figured “we’re gonna give the baby spice to play with.” “here jesus, why don’t you suck on this paprika stick?” “do you like ground cumin, baby? well let’s use this in place of talc and rub it on your privates.”

[frylock]
you’re treading on some pretty thin ice, shake

[master shake]
i’m just saying, they’re wis~m~n, and i do not consider it wise to give spice to a baby

[meatwad]
i want me one of them easy~bake ovens where you can make real cupcakes

[master shake]
as do i, but the magic baby was not to receive an easy~bake oven on that day. not with perplexo, and the evil deludatrons planning their laser assault on bethlehem!

[frylock]
just tell the story like it’s supposed to be told!

[master shake]
alright, we created perplexo as a composite character to take the place of king herod, and david and goliath, and most of santa’s elves. i envision perplexo as half~man, half~eighteen~wheeler semitruck
[frylock]
wrap it up, shake, because this is making me very angry

[master shake]
but the baby’s about to lock arms with perplexo, and the evil deludatrons! were you not listening?!

[frylock]
wrap it up!

[master shake]
fine! i will leave that for “twas the night before jesus 2: avenge the revengeful.” on the teaser poster, it’s just going to say ttnbj2atr, ’cause that’s hollywood style

[frylock]
shake!

[master shake]
fine. and after mary was done having the magic baby, joseph got her to get up and cook for everyone, even the farm animals, because that’s what women are supposed to do

and so this christmas, i hope you choke on spoon~fed baby~mushed story, because that’s apparently what you crave, you stupid listener! so i took liberties. excuse me, because i’m an artist devlivering truth to your ears. you know what? you don’t deserve my remake! why don’t you go to h~ll this christmas?!

[meatwad]
and god bless us, everyone

[master shake]
yeah, right. screw off! amen
[schooly d]
happy birthday jesus, you’re the one
coming to earth from planet krypton
rolling on tracks and getting it on
it rained fishes and loaves
on the b~tches and hoes
they said they want more
he said “h~ll no”
i gotta let it flow
you ghost ridin’ the whip
and you sucking on my…
(ding~dong)

- lirik lagu aqua teen hunger force

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