lirik lagu animaniacs - the bayeux tapestry
[yakko]
well, the normans conquered england in the year 1066
back when dentists weren’t a thing and everyone had fleas and ticks
to commemorate the battle and their courage in the fight
the normans made the bayeux tapestry whose tale i’ll now recite!
oh, king edward, he was this guy! he was ruler, king and czar
but the apples from his family tree had fallen pretty far
when he passed away those leeches didn’t еven wait a day
they all went in for thе scepter like a vegas night buffet!
this guy harold, earl of suss~x, who is rocking this goatee
put his hand up high and swore, “edward gave england to me!”
so he had the archie bishop go ahead and crown him king
but our hero said no thanks to kissing harold’s stupid ring!
william of normandy, on france’s shore
duke since the age of twelve and hungry for more
he made a claim upon the throne flakier than a croissant
so his name would live forever in this fun and nifty font!
now with harold the usurper will was wondering how to cope
then he noticed halley’s comet and thought “that looks pretty dope!
it’s the universe commanding me to make all england mine
so i’ll bring some boats and horses and a jug or two of wine!”
good old w~lly had an army, was at least ten~thousand strong
they marched every day in chainmail more annoying than a thong
yes, their thighs were really chafing, and their helmets far too tight
maybe that’s why after hastings they torched everything in sight!
in the middle of the battle, things were going down the drain
cause the normans heard a nasty rumor that their duke was slain
so then w~lly took his helmet off to show he was alive
and the rest is tl;dr but the gist is harold died
[wakko]
oh, that’s sad
[the warners]
william the conqueror, he stole our hearts
burned down our houses and our horses and our carts!
with his brothers bob and odo he had sailed across the sea
sure he k!lled a lot of people but that’s ancient history!
william the conqueror, he was so neat
when enemies mocked him, he cut off their feet!
he’s probably getting tortured down in hades by some ghoul
but he’s related to elizabeth, that’s why we think he’s cool
[yakko]
now that’s a crash course in the tapestry you’ll never learn in school!
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