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lirik lagu allisawe - let me crawl

[verse 1]

i grew up in a trailer park
about a block from the church where they taught us to lock eyes on the prophet
hope to prosper
hold the iron rod
pray that god answers

then dad got cancer
he was burdened with a debt no man could handle
no amount of food cache (or) laying on of hands
was enough to mend the finances

i stopped tithing and kept that nickel
the tooth fairy hides under my pillow
and when i was little
one time i spotted
a $50 dollar bill chillin’ on top of the sidewalk

as i walked home with my aunt
i’d nevеr seen as much green as that
thought i was tripping
i picked it up, stoked
skipping to go
buy bubble gum of my own
but thеn
aunt shelene sn~tched it from me, and she
took it to a nearby grocery
and gave it to a man who claimed he dropped it
and my heart plummeted to the pit

of my stomach
but i don’t blame her one bit, no
she was just trying to teach me integrity
as if money didn’t mean everything

i didn’t listen or get the lesson
i just hurled my slurpee into the trash can
my hands soaking with sweat, face red
object of my worship suddenly set

i came to believe
my esteem as a human being
was based primarily on one thing
the dollars i’m holding
now i’m stuck here hoping

[chorus 1]

i’d rather fall
and lose it all
than find myself
in the same old h~ll
[verse 2]

during sacrament
the bishop said
in heaven
i would get
(all) my wishes
but to wait
til death
to be rich is
not something this kid
was willing to live with

this thirst, an obsession
i dropped out of school by mid semester
i deserted my dream to shred guitar and sing
and serve the word to spread positive change

f~ck change, i wanted bucks, and i’d burn
no matter what was put in my way, i just had to earn
every red bill heaven or h~ll could send to me
i had to find a way to show everybody

i was worth something
that i could be somebody
i could prove to everybody who thought i was a n0body
that n0body can own me with all the money that i’m ownin’
disown em
so i found a way to make people atms
exploit their aches to be young again
slingin’ product with claims i couldn’t fulfill
and hock ’em at a high price until it filled

my wells fargo
i was sellin’ snake oil
before i even had a driver’s id my morality was spoiled rotten on the greed~infested topsoil

what’s sick ~ is i knew the truth
and right thing to do
but my sins continued
never meant to stoop
to making cents at others’ expense
the move made no sense to my incensed conscience

unconscionable
every transaction took a toll on my soul
as i cashed in checks
my bankrupt ethics went unchecked
until i had nothing left

[chorus 2]

i’d rather fall
and lose it all
than find myself
in the same old h~ll

i’d rather stay
in this empty chase
then find myself
winning the wrong game

[verse 3]

so i got the big dumb house
yeah, i got the fancy car
i got the wall of guitars, traveled afar
8~course meals in hotels with 5~stars

god, i worked hard
and for what?
(all) this stuff
childish
to feel above
all the people i conned
the scars that i got
the time that i lost
what a cost
for a hollow cause

drinking
one glass, two glass, three (nightly)
(cuz) nothing that i fought for means a godd~mn thing
numbing reality: moribund integrity
more abundant than ever in self~loathing

that night, nine drinks deep
pushing one~fifty, take a peek
in the rear~
view mirror
see who i’ve become
this man right here?
nowhere to run

these messages about money making my matter matter massively deranged me
and though i’m madder than ever it doesn’t matter ‘cause i know that i can never erase history
epiphany

(i) hit the brakes, pull over
idle on the shoulder
cars fly by, fast as my life
my best years, like screeching tires
blown out, burnout, on the roadside

i realize
this ain’t the end of the road
my story can turn on a dime
where do i go without chasing gold?
i dunno
your guess – as good as mine

but there’s gotta be a better way to ride
than living by the dirty dollar and then dying
right?
recognize the gift of being alive
slowly shift focus
life is enough, everything else is a bonus

[chorus 3]

i’d rather fall
and lose it all
than find myself
in the same old h~ll

i’d rather stay
in this empty chase
then find myself
winning the wrong game

[chorus 4]

i’d rather fall
and lose it all
than find myself
in the same old h~ll

i’d rather stay
in this empty chase
then find myself
winning the wrong game

- lirik lagu allisawe

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