lirik lagu al, the native - puer aeternus
[verse 1]
mum thought living in london might lead me astray
moved down to brighton beach from a council house on a neasden estate
people there seemed chill so i had no reason to hate, smile on my face
i was better at keeping faith than keeping mates
spent my teenage days in my bedroom trying to ensure that my life wasn’t static, mind wasn’t placid
i taught myself to design some graphics
started working for foreign beggars
and they introduced me to a guy called dag nabbit
played me a beat and i loved it
i probably hadn’t had s-x but i still made down with the trumpets
then i got famous at 19
got one step closer to my dreams
saw my face all over your widescreen
it made my brain freeze like i’d eaten an ice cream
it was all white teeth and thumbs up
“it’s an opportunity to get your funds up”
is what i told myself back then but wow
painted smile on the face of a clown, when facing crowds
i was living behind a mask freshly applied by chart success
yeah my face had a name, hand had money, can’t lie though my heart felt stress
“don’t complain about fame” is what i heard when i prayed for help
but my life blew up in about one month and i didn’t even brace myself
how much do you even know about yourself back then? f-cking h-ll
i didn’t get why the fans loved me when i didn’t even love myself
it’s all good when you first start, it’s all good when you ride the highs
but life got dark when my first love’s brother decided to take his own life
i was on tour, the place of dreams, running on stage to screams
trying to stay on track to ensure that my fans got exactly what they payed to see
i just wanted to break down and scream, i just wanted a sp-ce i could breathe
and for the next few weeks, well i realised mainstream really ain’t a place for grief
if i didn’t smile on tv people would call me arrogant, or call me talentless
to be honest i found the whole situation quite challenging
yeah the pop scene’s not me, in fact it’s damaging
getting therapy on toilet seats kind of got embarr-ssing
i went from teenage beat breaks
to being one line from a cliché, real talk
had to put rizzle kicks on pause to ensure that i just didn’t die in my sleep mate
so when people ask me why we disappeared from the scene
i tell them i was just trying to stay alive if you know what i mean
[chorus]
i didn’t get to end my childhood, no, i had a wildhood
so i’m dealing with issues just like a child would
can’t be dealing with the mad smiles
i’m feeling fragile
[verse 2]
interviewers asked me if i was happy i’d made it
i wanted to tell them i was sad but i was trapped inside of a brand i’d created
i felt naked
i just wanted to show them my merrier side
didn’t realise pain was buried inside
felt like i was buried alive
i was looking at camera flashes, while my ex girlfriend scattered his ashes
i internalised all my sadness, then i turned to lines to feel madness
but then i made wildhood, yeah, just me, my dad, and tommy d
couldn’t get my pain through rizzle kicks so it felt like therapy honestly
got swept up in the madness, got left with the sadness, yeah
successful and stranded, and it felt like my plan weren’t there
look at the fame, look at the money, look at the girls bruv
the bigger the star, the bigger you get, the smaller your world does
people called me dumb when i felt numb
i just wanna feel love and i felt numb
i just want a high five and a well done
when i got a bye bye, it felt blunt
’cause my life was no longer make believe and i love all the rizzle kicks fans but
when it comes to pop i really hate the scene it wasn’t made for me
i remember standing there looking at my own reflection
thinking back to life at 18 when i didn’t need to learn any lessons
now i’m stressing, ’cause life’s just more death and more stress
yeah i lost both grans i’m doing my best
spent a few grand trying to pay my respects
alb-m two didn’t do as well as the label were hoping
still broke the charts, i still had a broken heart, it was no cigar
i went through months and months of feeling sh-t
and when i played them wildhood they said it was ‘good’ but it wasn’t ‘a hit’
[chorus]
i didn’t get to end my childhood, no, i had a wildhood
so i’m dealing with issues just like a child would
can’t be dealing with the mad smiles
i’m feeling fragile
[outro]
everything’s muted, i don’t wanna feel useless
everything’s muted, i don’t wanna feel useless
don’t care what my name is
don’t care if i’m famous
i’m a third of wildhood, half of rizzle kicks
but just know that i’m al, the native
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