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lirik lagu adil omar - searching for salim omar

never did my son not shine
never did you lose your mind
i have always been with you

i did it all searching for you
i’ve seen my heart burst into two
no second thoughts about the words i could use
i’ve done it all searching for you
i did it all searching for you

lost and terrified
many nights alone in the dark
the earth frozen from my bones to my heart
watched you go out in a blaze like you had known from the start
i chose this life to fill the sp-ce that you had left me with
and gave it everything
my brain, guts, b-lls and my soul
to either rise above or fall in a hole
abandoned everything, to go off on my own
and do anything to talk to you or touch you again
even if it meant going insane, soaking the pain
self immolation in the flow of the game
we both gamblers by nature, guess we both are the same
i threw the keys of my salvation on the ocean floor and got ’em
imagine if i hadn’t, what all this could have been
a nose dive, failed engine and a crooked wing
denied your presence for the longest time
and then i learned you always had my back along the lines
and as i face not only my demons but also yours
i saw your face staring at me through the corridors
then all the pain it turned to blessing for me
when i learned you had a message for me

never did my son not shine, uh
never did you lose your mind, uh
i have always been with you

show me what more there is to see
cause when i found you, i was looking at me

looking down at the palm of my hand
at the blood in my veins, i forgot who i am
made of you, i’m a dot in the sand
but the same sand you are, i forgot who i am
all that time away, all that time lost
can barely recognize the h-ll that my mind was
singing in the choir of my own shame
my world burning in the fire of my own pain
saving grace was the rhyme and the pen, uh
survival mode from the time i was 10, i
had to do all that i can, had to learn to be a man
so i could find you again, i
check on mama as she sleep every evening
hold my own breath just to see that she’s breathing
cause when you lose one, you worry ’bout the other
when you feed a frequency of stress then you are bound to suffer
a basic truth, i didn’t have no one to teach me
and through these walls i didn’t have no one to reach me
and at my lowest i cursed god
a victim of myself as i drowned in the worst thoughts
like a c-nt, tried denying his existence
lying to myself, creating my own dissonance
what a f-cking idiot i used to be
couldn’t sense that i was in for an awakening
what a f-cking idiot i used to be
and everything it took just to break it in
tried to look for you in other older men
but couldn’t read their silence
when i followed my gut
i learned i didn’t need their guidance
i can feel you speaking through me
i can feel you breathing through me
i can feel your very essence
i can feel it bleeding through me

(family and urdu dialogue – bridge)

baba, i did it
now it pours from within
won the battles on the outside
and the war from within
victorious, glorious
and like the meaning of my name
i’ll make this story just
and since you brought me into this matrix
i will honor you as morpheus
and ever since i learned i’m stronger
saw the dominoes all falling in perfect order
even through the pain and the heartbreak
all the insight gained that this art takes
i am gonna change the world
honor the spirit of the music cause it saved me twice
and while you got addicted
to the things that might have k!lled you
i got addicted to the very things that gave me life
and when i finally let you go, i wrote a song for you
made my body strong and healthy cause i honor you
the kinda love a single being can’t contain
when i go deep within, then i know that i can call for you
december 26, 2001, i had my best friend sn-tched away
and when i learned we had a soul contract, there was no combat
i’m not mad at that day
collateral damage for a greater mission
you always are my beautiful father
and even though it f-cking tugs at my soul
i have no choice but to salute you as a martyr
and as this journey come full circle
my entire body hurting
and i’m feeling like i could be running outta smoke
hungry and thirsty for all i ever wanted
but i found it all inside me
like this was all some kinda joke

“my son, i am proud of you
for this is my boy
but life is a punchline, and this was the ploy
when there’s no mischief or joy
you’re just wasting your time and f-cking missing the point
there is no fear and this isn’t in question
and everything you did, you did with my blessing
i am with you forever
i’ve been with you since and we’re in this together
all the rough edges, this was the lesson
but don’t take it personally, you bid what you’re getting
you are here doing everything you’re here to do
so in all essence, this is transcendence”

“he’s in a very sacred place. a very quiet place in my life, in my heart. and i don’t really let anyone else in. i can’t. i try, but i can’t. because i can’t, to me he can’t become absent

oh wow, my baby’s had a baby, it’s a boy. i believe he’s beautiful. he’s so little. you were very little, very sweet. and suddenly, i became a grandmother. i couldn’t believe it. i felt that i was your mother, not your grandmother

it was lovely having you. and when you arrived at the airport, and i took you in my arms for the first time, i felt such an overwhelming love, and everything just poured out of me into you

you’ve been somebody very special. you were always very sensitive, and odd. you always had a very otherworldly look and feel about you. very imaginative. which is not really what most babies are

don’t be afraid. go on, go on. we’re right behind you. take it. you did the most unexpected, out of the way things, that were not expected. and i was thinking, this fellow will become a poet, or, i don’t know what he’ll do, what will happen, because i was more worried about protecting you than anything else, because you were so vulnerable, so vulnerable – in your own little world, yeah”

- lirik lagu adil omar

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